Monday, December 31, 2012

When We Meet In the Northern Sky.

Floor made of wood and a room shades of gray.
Fluffy pillows and blanket.
Photographs and slow music.
Your favorite things hanged above your bed.

You loved to hug me when we went off to take a nap.
You waited me until I fell asleep.
You kissed my forehead like I am your favorite doll.
You whispered 'I love you' over and over again.

Remember when we sit separately in a room and you were talking to your friend,
You called me to came to you,
Then you kissed my cheeks and told me to return to where I sit.
You knew what I want and what I need.

You knew that we rarely had time together because we often spent our time with our friends.
So when we were on our way to Safari Park,
You took the left lane and said,
"Good for us, isn't it? So we can share things about us and nobody will disturb"

Years go by.
You've changed a lot.
But it is still you.
Still my rainy day.

It hurt,
When we were in the car after you picked me up and I drove your car,
You said, "I don't live to be yours, but as the best man at a time when you're happy or when you're down"
It hurt, I swear.

And when you said,
"You want me to be your husband? Are you sure that you want to have a husband who can't be your leader in marriage and religion?"
Just because of those tattoos on your body.
It hurt.

And when the last time you visited me.
Hell, I've been missing those eyes of yours.
Your smile and the way you look at me.

But I am sorry.
It's all over.
But I promise I will keep you in me forever.
So there won't be another goodbye.

Now you understand.
Look at me.
It wasn't him who broke my heart with these fond memories.
It was you all along.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Sweet Nothing.

I wasn’t upset.
I'm away from anger.
I'm hiding the feelings I have within.
I am sorry.

I believe in myself.
I stay true to what I deserve as an independent woman.
I didn't lock myself into a box just like back then.
I deserve what you never gave and what you could never give.

I remember when you left for your flight.
I remember when you told me that you'll see me soon.
And all I wanted is your very arrival to come back to me safely.
Like you promised me every night before we closed our eyes to sleep.

And there was a time when everything was wrong.
But time heals everything.
Letting myself down will never work.
That’s when I realized that I am the one who can save myself.

You woke up those seven deadly sins in you.
The richness we had found is lost.
Nothing is forever, this will not last.
So I left you not because I didn't love you.

If only I had the time,
I would pray the time to stand still.
Because there are still few words left unspoken.
For you I lied so you can walk in your own path.

Now I see.
That people go through with life, but never seem to fully come alive.
Life is a long story so you better take a comfortable seat.
But when it ends, won’t they be surprised?

You should stop and think about others.

Moment to moment...
Seconds to minutes...
Minutes to hours...

And you will notice one thing.
You survived.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Hummingbird's Elegy

02:00 AM, I'm wide awake.
Listening to an instrumental song called 'Vienna' by The Fray.
A pure sound of a piano,
And memories.

I never say goodbye to everything I had before this.
I hold them through these days.
Until they dry out from my hands.
But still, they never leave.

It hurts to know that they are here.
Alive, and agleam.
I can see their smiles so clearly.
I can feel how they hurt me that day.

I love you, you, and you.
All of you.
Those scars remain here in my chest forever.
Those warm bodies stay in my head.

But you, only you.
The one who tore my heart in two.
I don't want you here.
Let me go.

I'm running in pain.
I'm running in vain.
Because you run after me.
You find me and you won't let me walk alone.

I can't erase you.
Though you hurt me everytime I close my eyes.
Because the memory of you lingers forever.
Because you love me until now.

There is no way to reach me.
Because I'm already gone.
But this is not my goodbye.
This is my hello.

Too complicated to write about it here.
Nobody will understand.
But who cares?
I'm the one who takes this over.

Perhaps in three or five years,
Yours and mine will meet again.
I gave you time and this distance.
Let me take it back.

I am not your enemy.
No, we aren't.
I'm a woman and you're a man with these walls we built.
With these barriers we built.

Do as you please.
Love yourself.
Remember, I won't erase you.
You and the rest stay forever.

If tears could wash my pain away.
I would cry everyday.
Now, go.
But don't turn your back on me.

How Lucky You Are To Have Someone To Miss.

"Please, let me live"
"I don't want to hurt you"

"Give me another chance to take a good care of yours"
"Not now. But someday you will"

"Please don't wipe these tears"
"Your tears belong to me"

"Please don't leave me"
"I never left"

"Let me fix you"
"Hold me"

"I hope you're happy with your life now"
"I hope you're happy with your life now and forever"

"Don't give up on me"
"I'm saving my best for last"

"Come back for me"
"These eyes are missing yours already"

You don't have to be afraid if you have to count the stars alone.
Because your body is always with you wherever you go.
So does the memories inside you.

He stays.
She stays.
Stop being denial to each other.
You are one.