If Winter Comes, Can Spring Be Far Behind?

Until today,

I'm still keeping this little thing inside a box.

That thing you gave,

When we met for the second time.

You asked me to keep it safely.

"Don't you dare to lose it", you said.

Yes, I remember you said that so clearly in my head.

So, don't worry about it.

And I'm still keeping this yellow lighter too.

You left it on the sofa when you came to my house.

That was the last day we met.

And yes, that was the last day I saw you very closely.

And came the next day,

Where I lost you.

You didn't give any answer to my last question,

Which was, "Have you prepared everything for tomorrow?".

It was October 7th.

And now the date is November 22nd.

It's been a month.

And I didn't run after you.

I confess,

I was thinking about you lately.

How the hell are you?

What have you been up to? Where have you been?

But yes, it was only last for 2-3 days.

It was just,

I missed you.

Back in the days where we used to see each other almost every night until the sun comes up.

I always watched you sleep.

I watched your silly face, such a kid.

And we used to sing a bunch of songs, you played your guitar.

And yes, that laughter.

I never blamed you.

You changed me.

It was good, it was great.

I'm happy.

Those are my precious memories.

So special, because it was made from you.

Sometimes, your face appears in my head.

But sometimes, goodbye is the only way.

Can A Drummer Get Some?

What should I do to make you understand,

That we can only be like this for now?

I don't want to go on for another journey.

Because I am living my life like a king right now.

Honestly,

I felt terrible when you called me a few days ago.

You cried,

Just because you saw me wearing a green kebaya.

You said you really want to see me wearing it,

On the day where you will marry me.

When you shake my father's hand,

Then I am completely legal as your wife.

Stop.

I don't want to use a green kebaya either on that kind of day.

I will use white, or black.

Red would be nice.

I am sorry.

But don't talk too much.

I feel bad.

And I can't help you.

What I want is to walk this path like there is no end for it.

Just let it flow, follow the river.

I know we are in too deep.

But please, don't think too much.

I'm here, my dear.

I will never go far.

If you need me, you could call.

I will answer you phone call so don't worry.

If the sun shines too bright,

Will you be my remedy?

And if the sun hides behind the cloud,

Will you be here to watch it me?

Yes, I will give the drummer some.

Oblivion.

Dear Soleil,

I guess you're wrong.

Take a look to my eyes.

I'm still in love with you since the day you went away.

You close your eyes but you see through.

You bite your tongue,

Pretend that you're okay.

Yes, you haven't seen the last of me.

I hope you're doing well out there.

Because I'm here, doing well too.

I hope you'll get what you've been looking for.

I wish you a great life.

My dearest Soleil,

If you think that I'm an ignorant person,

No, I am not.

I am not like what you thought.

Seasons changed,

And I'm still here.

No, I'm not waiting.

But I'm trying to take over control of my head.

I dreamed of you three times.

Shit, you left me with so much lessons to learn.

I fell and I ran,

And I thank you for that.

My dearest Soleil,

Last but not least,

Even when we meet again one day,

I still miss you even though you're there sitting in front of me.

Back From the Dead.

Why the fuck are you here?

Why do you reach me?

Saying sorry,

And asking me to let you in?

I never thought that we would ever meet again.

I never thought that it would be very easy.

You are here now and smiling.

But my smile isn't worth for you and for what you've done.

You come here uninvited.

I don't want you here.

You bring back the pain I've been buried for a long time.

I worked so hard to put it to rest.

You can't just expect me to open my door for you.

You are not worth anything from me.

I deserve better, someone better.

You can make me sit and talk but I won't listen.

Now you're back from the dead.

And I want you to go away from me.

I don't want to kill you for the second time.

I will let you live on your own.

I will mourn the loss of you,

And pray what's best for you.

And how many times do I have to tell you,

Even when you're crying like that, you're still beautiful.

Now, go.

Make some magic.

Another Heart To Break.

Some people asked me a very good question,

Why don't we go back together?

Why don't I just give it another try,

Because they knew that you agree with them.

Because you are someone who has been protecting me for almost ten years.

Because you are someone who has been loving me for years.

And I always welcome you here and everywhere.

Yes, I always let you in.

That's the reason why I don't agree with them.

I don't want us back together like we were.

I would rather keep you close, here.

I don't want to lose you one more time.

We were so young back then, though we are now.

We let each other did what we wanted,

We loved each other without a single question,

We had each other and we never asked for more.

And came the day where I had enough.

You didn't break my heart,

But you broke the promises you've made.

I didn't regret, but you did.

I walked away and you stayed.

You convinced me and made another promises.

You assured me that you will not leave me like that again.

And for almost ten years, you've been doing it wisely, well, sometimes.

I don't want to lose you again.

I want to keep you this way.

I know I can't give what you really want in return.

I told you so many times, right?

I was glad when you agreed with me a few months ago.

I knew it hurt so much,

But I had to make you realized,

That you've been hurting yourself for almost ten years.

I won't recall the memories I had with you.

Remember, you are not my bestfriend nor my lover.

You are one of the people I don't want to lose.

You are someone who understands me and my life so much.

Thank you for the love that you gave,

Thank you for tattooed my last name on your back,

Thank you for the hands that have been wiping my tears away for almost ten years so fondly,

I love you so much, Raihanif.

Home.

Finally,

I went to a place where people can't reach me for a day.

I spent my time under a big tree,

Inhaled the mountain fresh air.

Yes, my body needed it.

I closed my eyes for almost fifteen minutes,

I let my body reconstructed,

I let my head exploded.

Those are my bestfriends.

Those pine trees, cold water and those little birds.

My shelter,

My elegy.

I will leave the city one day.

And maybe, I will never come back.

I will leave you and the rest.

I will have my own world to conquer.