Minuet.

Got home at nine,

And I realized something,

Someone followed me home,

And I know that maroon car outside my window.

I went outside,

I went to see the one I loved so much once.

He threw me a lot of questions.

He knew why I didn't answer.

He knew I can't answer.

He knew that I knew it all along.

It was my fault.

I wasn't ready for any of this.

I went travel back in time,

Where I drowned,

To a time when I loved someone,

And he left me with nothing except tears.

I tried to make things right.

I did, I said sorry.

I tried to fix things up,

But he won't let me.

He didn't give me another chance.

He stopped,

He erased me from his life,

He left.

Then I went home and cried.

I asked myself why,

I asked God why,

It hurt I swear.

Back to reality,

I just realized that something came out from my eyes.

He wiped my tears away,

And said, "You are not ready yet".

He was right.

I didn't see it,

That I am not ready.

I am not ready to be hurt like that again.

That's the reason why it's hard for me to believe in someone.

That's the reason why I am afraid to fix things up.

I'm afraid if the new person doesn't feel the same like I do.

I'm afraid if the new person doesn't love me like I do.

He told me to stop being over-thinking.

One day, someone will take that place,

And that person won't hurt me like they did.

That person will take a good care of me patiently.

He stopped me when I was going to walk inside.

He stroked my head,

He kissed my forehead,

And said,

"One day, someone will love you like I always do to you. No, even better than that. One day, that person will take my place as the one who will always protect you, respect you and love you, for what you are."

And he went away.

I walked back to my house,

I went to my room,

I closed the door,

And cried.

Mother Knows Best.

Hari Minggu kemaren, gue pergi ngopi sama bunda gue. Di jalan, dia nanya sesuatu yang gua nggak nyangka dia bakal nanya. Ya, ada lah. Gue kaget juga dia nanya dan ternyata dia se-pay attention itu sama apa yang dia tanya. She was asking about someone, and I had to say that the person is already gone.

Di tempat ngopi, akhirnya ngobrol lah kita sekian jam. Nggak tentang orang ini aja, tapi beberapa orang dari masa lalu gue pun dibawa-bawa. Jujur, gue sebenernya kesel, tapi gue tau, apapun yang dia bahas, itu pasti baik buat gue.

Bunda gue is the best mom in the world. Dia merangkap semuanya, my mother, my sister, my bestfriend, and everything. Bunda adalah seseorang yang open-minded, selalu terbuka sama hal-hal baru even ibunya dulu galak banget dan bapaknya polisi. Bapak kamu polisi? Iya, kok tau? Soalnya kamu telah memenjarakan hatiku di hatimu... Ha. Gue selalu terbuka untuk masalah perasaan ke bunda, apapun itu. Even itu adalah sesuatu yang aneh, rancu atau nggak pantes diomongin, gue akan bilang. Dan dia selalu nerima dan selalu pahamin hal itu. Gue, kalo belom curhat sama bunda sebenernya belom afdol, jadi gue ceritain lah semua yang pernah gue alamin ke bunda.

Bunda, udah pernah ngeliat keadaan gue dari yang memalukan sampe hal yang menyedihkan setiap gue punya pacar. Bunda juga selalu nanya tiap gue bawa orang baru ke rumah. Dia siapa, rumahnya dimana, umurnya berapa, kerja atau kuliah, sampe agamanya pun ditanyain. Bunda orangnya juga nyablak, apalagi kalo udah ketemu sama sahabat-sahabat gue, nggak cowo, nggak cewe. Kalo gue pergi sama sahabat gue, dia nggak bakal nelpon gue lagi dimana, karena gue dan temen-temen gue sudah membangun kepercayaan makanya bunda santai aja. Tapi kalo sama orang baru, bunda memang agak rewel dan gue ngerti itu.

Back to the main story, bunda nanya kenapa orang ini pergi. Gue bilang, mungkin ini salah gue karena gue nggak peka atau nggak ada inisiatif. Dan bunda mulai nyalah-nyalahin gue. Bunda bilang, gue orangnya nggak peka dengan apa yang gue omongin. Mungkin orang terdeket gue paham sama cara bicara gue, tapi nggak semua orang paham dan mungkin ada omongan gue yang menyakitkan. Banyak banget yang bunda omongin, dan hampir 90%-nya, dia bilang itu salah gue. "Jangan salahin dia kalo dia pergi dari kamu. Kamu belom baik buat dia berarti", kira-kira begitu kata bunda.

Sampe akhirnya dia menghidupkan kesalahan-kesalahan gue yang lalu-lalu yang sebenernya nggak perlu dibahas lagi. Tapi gue tetep mempersilahkan bunda ngomong. Gue kesel, tapi bunda bener. Dengan begitu, gue harus introspeksi. Apakah gue melakukan kesalahan yang sama lagi, atau engga. Apakah gue pernah mengalami keadaan ini sebelomnya apa belom pernah. Gue agak gimana gitu sih, ngehidupin kesalahan-kesalahan gue yang lalu-lalu sama aja ngehidupin rasa sakitnya lagi, kan? Tapi yang bunda lakuin itu bener banget. It helped.

Gue inget dulu bunda sama gue pernah nangis bareng. Dulu, gue pernah ditinggal sama orang yang gue bener-bener sayang secara sepihak. Sakit banget rasanya dan gue nangis di kamar bunda sambil bilang orang itu jahat banget. Bunda elus-elus kepala gue, dan untuk pertama kalinya dia bilang, "Iya, dia memang jahat". Bunda juga nangis saat itu, dan berusaha nguatin gue sampe akhirnya gue bisa lepas dan lupa sama orang itu.

Dari obrolan gue sama bunda sekian jam itu, banyak hal yang gue dapet. Gue nggak boleh egois, gue nggak bisa memaksakan hal yang memang kita berdua pun juga nggak akan bisa jalanin. Gue harus paham, orang itu juga punya hidup dia. Dan sebelum gue jadi siapa-siapa, gue nggak punya hak atas hidup dia. Dan bunda sempet marahin gue kenapa gue nggak usaha contact atau reach orang ini, dan gue bilang gue ragu orang ini sayang sama gue karena kayaknya cuma kebawa suasana aja dan gue cuma jadi pelarian. Bunda bales, kenapa gue ga tanya? Gue salah, karena gue emang nggak nanya. Tapi bunda paham kenapa gue diem-diem aja, karena orang itu berubah dan prinsip kita beda. Kalo masalah prinsip, memang bunda keliatan nggak apa-apa atas masalah itu, tapi gue yakin di dalem hatinya dia pasti ada masalah. Mana rela dia? Kalo udah masalah prinsip, emang pasti udah susah. Dan gue pernah jalanin sama orang yang beda prinsip, ujung-ujungnya? Nyakitin banget. Gue juga yakin bunda nggak mau liat anaknya sakit karena perbedaan prinsip itu padahal sisanya fine-fine aja.

Dan hal lain yang gue dapet, orang kalo sayang sama orang, pasti ada usahanya. Kalo nggak ada usahanya, jangan buang-buang waktu untuk diusahain. Semua harus seimbang, harus fair. Jangan menyakiti diri sendiri dengan hal-hal yang cuma sepihak. Jangan mau digampangin. Perhatiin omongan gue dan kata-kata yang harus diomongin sama yang nggak. Yes, mama! I'll do that.

So I guess it's time for me to make coffee and sing with the wind.

I am so proud to have a mother like her.

Love you, bunja!

Hell Yeah I'm A Ford Mustang.

Last Thursday, me and Billy Israj had this quality talk at office. Tentang tipe-tipe orang, masalah psikologi dan logika. Dan yang menarik, kata-kata mas Billy yang satu ini, "Kenapa terkadang orang nggak sadar kalo orang yang udah nge-handle mereka di saat mereka susah, itu adalah orang yang seharusnya mereka pertahanin."

Yes, I've been questioning that one too. Dari kasat mata orang, memang kayaknya salah banget si A ngelepas si B yang udah nge-handle dia, nemenin dia dari nol sampe dia 'bernilai'. Justru orang kaya B itu harus dipertahanin karena itu udah ngasih contoh kalo si B itu sanggup sayang sama orang dalam kondisi apapun, dari yang terburuk sampe yang terbaik. Si A berarti kelewat bego udah nyia-nyiain orang kaya si B.

Tapi, gue coba ngeliat dari beberapa sisi. Mungkin si A emang lupa diri karena masalah status harga diri yang dia punya. Mungkin si A ngerasa kalo si B itu nggak pantes ngedampingin dia di saat dia 'bernilai'. Mungkin si B punya kesalahan fatal yang bikin si A kecewa makanya dilepaslah si B. Banyak kemungkinan, mulai dari yang terparah sampe yang terbaik. Gimana pun, gue yakin si A punya banyak pertimbangan buat hidup dia. Kalo dia baik dan nggak sembarangan sih, pertimbangan dia baik juga buat si B. Tapi kalo nggak tau diri, ya, buat konsumsi pribadi. Ada pertimbangan apa nggak, urusan nyesel nggaknya, ya, bakal ditanggung sama si A, sekalian ngelatih kedewasaan.

Nah, gimana sama si B? Yang ditinggalin atau lebih kasarnya dibuang begitu aja dari hidup si A? Si B kan udah nge-handle si A mulai dari nol sampe jadi 'bernilai'. Berat banget emang buat si B untuk terima kenyataannya kaya gitu. Iyalah, ditaiin banget si B, apa-apaan. Honestly, I've been there and done that. Jadi, bukannya gue sotoy, tapi gue banyak ngambil pelajaran dari situ. Dan nggak hanya itu, gue juga coba liat dari beberapa sisi, dari beberapa mata, jadi, nggak cuma dari dua pasang mata aja. Jujur, awalnya gue emang sempet marah, kecewa, dan ngelabelin orang ini sebagai orang yang paling nggak tau diri yang pernah gue kenal. Tapi, gue belajar dan gue berusaha memposisikan diri gue sebagai orang itu juga. Siapa tau dia gave up on me emang karena untuk kebaikan dia di masa mendatang. Emang sih, nggak banget kayanya statement itu, kesannya lupa diri banget. But every person in this world has their own reason, right? Dia pasti ada alesan lain yang dia pun nggak bisa utarain dan seharusnya, kalo lo ngerti bagaimana caranya meng-handle orang itu, lo seharusnya udah paham dan nggak perlu nanya lagi, even ada baiknya diobrolin, but sometimes, things are better left unsaid. Gantung sih, tapi kan lo nggak bisa maksa orang untuk menuhin ekspektasi lo, iya nggak?

Dan gimana caranya supaya si B bisa move on? Sedap. Sebenernya nggak perlu ribet. Ini sebenernya cara paling gampang tapi susah dilakuin. Niat. Niat buat ikhlas, niat buat nge-let go, niat buat move on. Niat buat ikhlas dulu deh. Kalo nggak ada niat, ya mana bisa maju ya keleussss. Niat itu emang susah, karena mau orang laen ngomong sampe berbusa kaya mulut dishampooin ngasih tau kita buat move on, kalo nggak ada niat dari dalem diri kitanya, ya, nggak bakalan bisa maju. Yang jelas, jangan denial sama diri sendiri juga. Mau nangis ya nangis, mau marah-marah ya marah-marah, jangan ditahan. Anggep aja dia sedang melakukan yang terbaik buat lo juga. Bukannya sok bijak, tapi berbahagialah. Dia mau membahagiakan hidup dia tanpa lo di dalemnya. Bagus kan, berarti orang itu udah mandiri, bisa bikin bahagia sendiri. Dan lo juga nggak perlu repot musti jadi 'fondasi' kebahagiaannya dia.

Jangan pernah nyalahin orang itu atas apa yang dia lakuin ke lo. Dan jangan pernah nyalahin diri lo sendiri atas keputusan dia. Kalian sama-sama salah. Jangan maksa orang dan jangan maksain diri sendiri untuk ngembaliin semuanya jadi kaya dulu. Udah, kewajiban lo cuma sampe disitu, terima dong. Dia maunya lo sampe situ aja. Mikirin hati sama badan lo juga, kasian kan, mereka udah kesakitan menuhin keinginan lo untuk sedih, marah dan kecewa. Pikirin diri sendiri juga, jangan terlalu banyak memberikan kebahagiaan sama orang lain kalo lo sendiri juga nggak yakin mereka akan memberikan hal yang sama. Kalo ikhlas nggak peduli timbal balik, ya, lakuin aja, asal jangan nyesel.

Inilah apa yang sedang gue lakuin sekarang. Melihat sesuatu tidak hanya dari satu pasang mata, tapi lebih dari tiga pasang mata. Banyak sisi yang harus lo pelajari. That's life, you live to learn, to conquer, to understand. Contoh, kata-kata "Sebelom lo sayang sama orang, sayangin diri lo sendiri dulu". Pasti orang-orang mikir kalo artinya tetep prioritasin diri lo sendiri dulu ketimbang orang lain. Kalo belom bisa sayang sama diri sendiri, berarti lo belom bisa sayang sama orang lain. Menurut gue, itu nggak sepenuhnya bener. Kalo lo memprioritaskan diri lo sendiri, kemungkinan besar lo nggak akan mikirin orang lain karena lo sedang mengegoiskan diri lo sendiri untuk bahagianya lo. Menurut gue, "Belajar sayang sama orang itu kaya belajar sayang sama diri sendiri" udah paling bener. Lo bisa mengimbangi kebutuhan orang lain dengan kebutuhan lo. Lo bisa membagi kebutuhan lo dengan orang lain, lo bisa membagi waktu untuk lo dan orang lain. Diri lo sendiri tetep jadi prioritas utama, tapi jangan pernah ngegampangin orang lain yang jadi prioritas kedua. Emang sih, nature tiap manusia, seseorang akan lebih mendului orang lain dibanding dirinya sendiri. Gampangnya, liat dari sisi effort aja. Menguntungkan apa nggak? Kalo nggak, diimbangin aja, jadi nggak terlalu berat. Kalo lo beneran sayang sama seseorang, pay attention to every single detail dan peduli sama detailnya, sekecil apapun itu. Apa yang dia butuhin, kasih pendapat ke dia akan sesuatu yang dia bicarain, paham akan sifatnya, dan yang paling penting, terima apa adanya dia. Lo milih dia juga pasti ada pertimbangan, kan? Terima dong.

Kalo ada yang nanya sama gue, "Emang lo bisa nerima apa adanya dia?", kenapa nggak bisa? Gue udah milih dia dari awal, seperti apa dia nanti, itu resiko gue. Gue nggak ngegampangin perasaan orang, karena gue udah pernah ngerasain gimana rasanya perasaan gue digampangin orang. Gue sebenernya nggak punya tipe cowo, even gue sering bilang gue pengen punya cowo yang lebih laki daripada gue. Ha ha ha. Biar gue nurut, biar gue bisa keluarin sisi keibuan gue ahsedap. Tapi kalo kepatok tipe terus, ya nggak bakalan nemu, nggak bakalan belajar juga untuk nerima kekurangan orang lain. Menjadikan kekurangan orang yang gue sayang sebagai kelebihannya itu adalah salah satu fungsi gue sebagai pendamping. Dan jangan berekspektasi kalo dia bakal begini dan begitu. Expectation kills, mate. Kalo dia nggak ketemu sama ekspektasi lo, mending nggak usah dijadiin sekalian dari awal. Tapi untuk orang yang bener-bener sayang, mereka akan cari jalan keluar bareng-bareng gimana caranya supaya lo bisa memenuhi ekspektasi mereka dan bantu satu sama lain supaya bisa ketemu sama ekspektasinya. Daripada nunggu inisiatif orang, daripada capek sendiri mending diobrolin langsung, iya nggak? Sama-sama menghargai aja. Pertanyaannya sebenernya, orang itu bisa nggak terima gue apa adanya? Gue keras, gue suka ngomong kasar, kelakuan gue kaya cowo dan kalo orangtua gue nggak melarang gue buat ngelakuin sesuatu, orang itu nggak bisa ngelarang gue. Gue kerja di media, keluar malem dan pulang pagi. Tapi gue suka dimanjain ha ha ha ler. Bisa nggak? Dan cara gue sayang sama orang, beda dari orang kebanyakan.

Temen gue pernah bilang, kalo gue bukan orang yang mudah give up akan sesuatu. Gue akan usaha dan kejar terus sampe dapet. Jadi, kalo gue udah give up akan sesuatu dan berhenti kejar? Bukannya gue males, bukannya gue nggak mau usaha, tapi gue banyak pertimbangan apakah yang gue lakuin bener apa nggak. Kalo gue mengusahakan seseorang tapi orangnya juga nggak ada usaha buat gue, ngapain gue usaha? Gue nggak mau ribet. Mending gue ngusahain kebahagiaan gue dulu, baru deh abis itu gue share sama orang yang gue sayang. Gue yang sekarang susah banget sayang dan percaya sama orang. Pengalaman gue yang menjadikan gue kaya gitu. Jadi, gue nggak mau ribet pake sedih-sedih dan kecewa yang mendalam, it slows me down. Gue nggak main-main sama perasaan, karena bakal ribet. Daripada drop, mending prioritasin yang lain yang lebih penting dan ngejalanin hal-hal diatas. Gue nggak mau bikin diri gue sendiri ribet, cukup 3-4 hari aja, sisanya? Ketawa nggak jelas sama temen-temen.

Mantan pacar gue pernah debat sama gue, dia bilang statement "Men are all about logics and women are all about feelings" itu salah banget. Cowo juga pake perasaan dan cewe juga pake logika. Gue benerin sedikit, itu bener, tapi nggak semua cowo dan cewe kaya gitu. Cowo jauh lebih menggunakan logika dan cewe jauh lebih menggunakan perasaan, ini berdasarkan pengalaman gue. Cowo akan menggunakan perasaan ketika si cewe sudah menggunakan logikanya, and it happens in the end. Dan gue adalah cewe yang berusaha menyeimbangkan logika dan perasaan dalam satu waktu.

Nah, kalo lo, gimana?

My Queen.

I miss her.

So much.

I want her back,

But I know death did us apart.

The way she calls my name,

The way she smiles,

The way she looks at her grandchildren,

How I miss her so much.

I remember the day when she lied down in the dialysis room.

She smiled when I walked in.

We shared stories, laughters and love.

Eventhough her body was too weak to move.

I remember the day when she passed away though I don't want to remember.

She looked healthy, she smiled.

That was the scariest moment in life,

Because losing her was one of my biggest fears.

I remember the last day when I went to her final resting place.

It was quiet, too quiet.

But I cried too loud.

I lost you and you will not return.

Hey beautiful,

I believe that you're happy right now.

An angel like you deserves a good place out there.

Don't worry, because one day, we're all will follow you there.

Permission To Be Dismissed, Sir.

Sir,

With all due respect,

I hate for what you did to her.

But I cannot do anything except cry.

I swear it hurt so much,

When I saw the picture of you and your new family,

Hanged on the wall.

That one fucked me deep.

We took a family picture three times.

It was beautiful, we were together.

We shared happines and laughters back then.

But now, after she passed away, it changes.

You were there when I was born.

You waited, with her.

I've been growing up with you.

I've been sharing my 20 years with you.

I swear it hurt so much,

When I knew that you've been lying to me for 20 years.

You lied to her, for the rest of her life.

How could you did that to the ones you love?

Do you know,

When I went home after visited you,

I cried for hours, you made me.

You're not belong to me anymore.

She doesn't deserve her place.

She doesn't deserve your heart.

I am sorry if I don't respect her.

She is not one of our family.

I won't love her like I love my Grandmother.

She is not my fucking Grandmother.

She is nobody.

SHE IS NOT HER.

I Love You, Not Your Expectation.

I am fully awake now,

And I am fully understand,

That you're not good enough to stand by my side.

You are not that person I've been looking for.

Don't worry,

I'll be walking after you.

As a friend,

Or as a stranger.

You're just a bastard who came into my life,

Left me nothing even words,

Left me so much disappointments,

After I gave you my time and carried you inside.

My question is,

Why did you make someone fell in love with you,

Though you knew that you won't give yourself in,

Though you knew that you can't do it?

Why didn't you pay attention to every details,

To every single thing you've done to her?

Why did you make her feel special,

Though you knew that she doesn't deserve it?

How could you that?

Is it easy for you to do?

How dare you?

You're destroying her.

I don't know you.

I should've known you more back then.

So I could prepare for the worst.

Because I won't let my heart falls like that anymore.

I know that you are someone who's easy to say so many things.

But do you know something,

That sometimes, you words are a very deadly weapon,

That could shoot you down and destroy you?

Do you ever think about the people around you?

Do you care?

Do you treat them with love and respect?

Do you ever think that not every single one of them could handle you like you always want?

Do you know that sometimes they're tired,

With your stone-headed head,

With your 'I don't fucking care' words you threw?

Believe me, they are.

I don't mean to bring you down,

But I've seen it before.

Please, love the people who have been taking care of you until now.

Please, pay attention for what they have been doing even just a little.

No, I am not judging you.

I saw the good in you once,

Please, spread it out.

Make your heart and your brain work together.

My dearest,

To love someone is to respect all the things that someone has.

If that person doesn't have the initiative to do something that you want,

All you need to do is ask, and say it.

My dearest,

Don't ever play with someone else's heart.

Don't ever play with fire,

Because you can't even handle the heat.

My dearest,

If that someone doesn't meet with your expectations,

Say it, out loud.

Every person has their own way to make happiness and you have to understand their capacity.

If they cannot meet with yours,

If they cannot satisfy your wants and your needs,

Make it meets, make it works because you'll find away somehow.

Do you ever realize that maybe, they feel the same like you do?

I won't say you're wrong.

Every person has their own way to reach their own happiness.

Do what you do.

But please, think about the others.

To love you is by sending you lots of prayer.

My prayer goes to you, love.

I hope you'll find what you've been looking for.

I hope your heart, your eyes and your mind will show you something.

I know that you left me with no regret.

Yes, maybe some things are better left unsaid.

Now, look at me, say it out loud,

That I am the one you want to lose.

I Don't Belong Here, I Got To Move On, Dear.

Hello,

First of all, I would like to say thanks to you,

For giving me a silent treatment,

So I could remember things I've forgotten.

I remember now,

That you want to put yourself first,

And that's your priority.

You want to recover first.

The memory of you is getting clearer now.

You said you want to love yourself first before you love somebody else.

You threw a bunch of shits to your family,

And you realized that you have to make things right.

You want to heal yourself.

You want to let go off your past.

I thought you made it.

Now I know that I am totally wrong about it.

I am so sorry for interrupting you and your life.

I am so sorry, maybe I've been ruining all of your efforts to recover yourself.

Why the fuck I care so much?

I am so sorry, I didn't mean to give a shit back then.

I know you are someone who doesn't like to make things difficult.

I believe you can handle things on your own.

I believe that you can stand alone.

Do it, I won't chase and disturb you.

For me, it's like walking into someone's dream.

I saw you and now I don't know where you are, what you're doing.

I can't be right and arrived too early,

Then you realized that this is going too far.

Your silent treatment is a very good sign for me.

You gave me your hand and I realized you just want to say goodbye.

I do understand you have to leave and carry on with your life.

Because you got nothing against me and you want to be that person you've always wanted to be.

I won't take you back inside.

I won't let you in.

Even if the time is right,

I will let you go.

To Those Who Still Care Although They Have Been Hurt Before.

Do you know what makes you sad?

When you meet someone who means a lot to you,

Only to find out that in the end that it was never meant to be,

and you just have to let go.

Do you know what makes you feel bad?

When you meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one,

So that when we finally meet the right person,

We will know how to be grateful for that gift.

Do you know what is more painful,

When you love someone,

And never find the courage to let that person know how you feel,

And then regret it.

It is true,

When your heart closes, another opens.

But sometimes, we look so long at the closed door,

And we didn't see the one which has been opened for us.

It is true,

That we don't know what we have until we lose it.

But it is also true that we don't know what we have been missing,

Until it arrives.

One of the biggest fears in our lives?

When you love someone,

But that person doesn't love you back.

Feels like drowning, isn't it?

There are moments in your life when you miss someone so much,

That you just want to hold that person like there is no tomorrow,

That you just want to say, "Don't ever leave me" more than twice,

That you just want to look at that person everyday and every time.

Never say goodbye if you still want to try.

Never give up on that person if you still feel you can go on.

Never say you don't love that person anymore if you cannot let go.

Only if that person can appreciate the importance of someone who has touched his life.

Another Goodbye In October.

I wish I could hold you one more time,

I want to feel what I never really had.

I wish I could see you one more time,

I want to see someone who has refused to be reached.

Maybe I had you for days.

Maybe I was too in love those days.

Maybe I fell for you too fast.

You never loved me and I knew that.

I should have known you more than I thought.

I should have known that your heart wasn't belong to me.

Your heart will always belong to her,

The one you've been waiting for years.

I should have not touched you too deep that day.

I should have not listened to your stories.

I should have not asked your number at the first time.

I should have not talked to you at the first time we met.

I remember how much you like her,

The way you talked about her, the way you always said her name.

You called her 'a future wife that everybody always wants'.

No, it doesn't feel hurt anymore, I told you.

I liked you from the first time we met.

Because you've proved yourself and the world,

That you are a man with your words.

You gave yourself hope to moved on.

Back to reality,

My mother was right,

If you love someone, you don't have to have him.

Love him, from a distance.

You'll be happy with what you're having right now.

I'm sorry, all I can do was just helping you by listening.

I'm sorry, I couldn't meet with your expectations.

I'm sorry, we can't meet.

How was your day?

How was the sea?

How are you?

I miss you so much.

On the Wire.

"Gue bukannya nggak mau usaha ato gimana. Bukannya nggak mau ribet ato gengsi juga. Tapi gue ragu. Gue ragu, kalo orang ini nggak ngerasain hal yang sama kaya yang gue rasain. Orang ini berubah, udah nggak kaya dulu lagi. Udah nggak sweet lagi. Oke fine kalo alesannya nggak mau ribet dan mau dijalanin dulu aja, gimana nanti ya urusan nanti, belakangan... Tapi gue bukan orang untuk 'dijalanin seenaknya' dan bukan orang yang bisa di-"gimana nanti aja, belakangan aja". Gue bukan bahan percobaan. Kalo lo emang nggak mau ribet, nggak usah sayang sama orang, sayangin diri lo sendiri dulu karena buat sayang sama diri lo sendiri itu aja udah ribet banget, gimana mau sayang sama orang lain? Faktanya, sayang sama orang mana ada yang nggak ribet? Nggak semua orang bisa ngikutin kemauan lo, karena lo juga harus ngerti dan pahamin, apa yang orang lain butuhin. I did that to you, I gave you space, tapi sampe kapan gue harus sabar dan harus terima? Sampe kapan gue digantung sama pernyataan 'sayang' yang nggak ada juntrungannya? Buat apa sayang sama gue kalo cuma sekedar 'sayang'? Better you keep that to yourself. You should have not told me that too. Jadi, bukannya nggak mau usaha, tapi gue ragu. Gimana gue bisa percaya dan ngilangin keraguan gue kalo lo-nya aja nggak bisa bikin gue percaya sama apa yang lo udah bilang sama gue? Terus, ini mau dibawa kemana? Gue nggak mau stuck disitu-situ aja. Man, gue pernah disitu dan gue memilih pergi daripada gue berekspektasi sesuatu yang nggak harus gue ekspektasiin. Lo tau nggak, gue yang sekarang itu susah sayang sama orang dan susah percaya sama orang. Gue butuh bukti, bukan omongan. Dan kalo emang nggak ada bukti, I choose to walk away. And don't worry, I'll be fine, because it doesn't feel hurt anymore."

-Sajesha.

"Lo udah salah dari awal, sadar nggak lo? Lo terlalu ramah sama orang even itu sifat dasar lo. Lo memang nggak pernah tau ending dari sebuah awal yang lo buat akan seperti apa, paling nggak tegas dikit kek sama diri lo sendiri. Lo mau apa sekarang? Usaha? Diem? Semua juga serba salah, kan? Gue tau lo suka gambling akan future lo, tapi jangan maen asal gambling juga. Gue tau lo juga mikir seribu kali sebelom lo gambling, gue tau lo ngikutin kata hati lo dan gue juga tau lo nggak bego-bego amat jadi orang, tapi diantara itu semua, lo bener-bener mikirin diri lo sendiri nggak, sih? Lo kan selalu ngutamain orang lain dibanding diri lo sendiri. Jujur, gue bangga banget liat kesibukan lo beberapa bulan terakhir ini. Lo bahagia banget sama kerjaan lo saat ini dan nggak diberatin sama masalah hati. Tapi kenapa orang yang gue kenal baik kena masalah hati jadi nggak jelas begini, sih? Dan satu hal yang lo harus tau, dia bukan bahan buat gambling. Dia orang, dia punya hak atas hidup dia dan perasaan dia, begitu juga lo. Lo punya hak buat pergi, lo punya hak buat bahagia, lo punya hak buat sedih. Gue paham lo ragu. Daripada kemakan ragu, mending lo urusin tuh kerjaan-kerjaan lo, duluin diri lo sendiri, egois sedikit lah buat diri sendiri. Kenapa gue minta lo egois sama diri lo sendiri? Karena dia juga sedang mengegoiskan dirinya sendiri, dan itu nggak bakalan ketemu sama kebutuhan lo saat ini. Dear, I love you and I want you to be happy. Forget the feeling of letting go, because you're not letting him go, but you're letting him to be happy with his life without you."

-Amber.

"Sajesha, you know what's best for you yourself. With or without him, you're too bright to shine. Everybody knows that you are a woman, even your mother told me that she already knew that you're capable enough to handle things with your hands because you've made your mind and your soul to work as a partner. Sajesha, give yourself a break or things will break you. Now, let me see you shine one more time. With or without us."

-Elazul.

Oranges and Carousel.

I breathe and I run,

It is your turn to close your eyes.

See me with your eyes closed,

Run to me.

This is my other life,

Another version of event.

Another page, another love.

An intimate one.

I will lose you one day.

You are someone who paints my days.

My hope is in you.

My eyes are missing yours.

Violins and tequilla,

You and me are screaming in silence.

We won't let go.

We won't go far.

You hold mine like you will never let go.

We will let go each other.

We will sing our favorite song.

We will lost each other in the mist.

Dear love,

I will miss you.

And I will forget you as soon as possible.

I'll be missing yours.

Lawless.

"I climbed that mountain and saw nothing up there. I expected so many things though, but it's okay, I'll find them next time. You know, people expect. Expectation is the worst thing my life could offer. I've been expecting so many things, and it didn't happen. I tried to lose it, but, you know, can you control your heart? Yes, my heart refuses to work with my brain. They won't co-operate. Tried to synchronize them once, it worked, but it needed a very long time to make them understand what I wanted. If only I could give my life a thick cheat book......... Nah, it won't happen. Yeah, I know, I have to face the reality. Try to see things more clearly and accept it. I went down by three bottles of Raspberry and four packs of cigars last week. I wasted so many times back then. I should have enjoyed my time, I should have fucked the world I've made. I should go now."

My Precious Paper Doll.

Why did you say such things,

If you knew that you can't include me in your life?

Why did you give your heart to me,

If you knew that your heart belongs to her?

No, this heart isn't torn in two.

No, it doesn't hurt anymore.

Because I've been preparing myself,

In case you choose to walk away from me.

I hurt and I recovered,

I walked away and I survived.

I won't ruin my body like I did before.

I won't hurt my heart like they hurt me before.

This is my comfort zone,

And I let you in.

Now, you're inside.

What will you do?

Don't stay if you're going to break my heart.

Don't say such things if they're only break my heart.

Get out of there, bastard.

Let me breathe alone.

Hey Skywalker,

I love you.

If you're going to break me,

I'm gonna find someone who cares.