Sunday, January 19, 2014

Center of the Universe.

It was almost 7 PM,
Axel will be here beside me in no time.
Breathed in, breathed out,
I swore I cannot wait any longer.

I've been waiting for two weeks.
Axel will be happy to hear my confession.
He will lose his mind.
We will be a happy couple.

Then Axel showed up.
I ran to him and hugged him like crazy.
He hugged me so tight I can't breathe.
Yes, I really missed my man so much.

We sat on our bed.
Axel brought me so many things.
Lots of Chanel and Dior stuffs,
But Axel himself is the best.

Axel has just took a shower,
When I told him that I got something to tell.
Axel stood beside me.
Then we were standing in front of each other.

I smiled very wide,
Axel looked confuse.
Then I whispered a little in his ear,
That he's going to be a father.

His blue eyes showed me his feeling.
He screamed, he jumped.
He kissed me like crazy.
"I am going to be a father!", he said.

He almost cried.
He looked very happy.
He hugged me so tight.
Yes, we were in the center of the universe that moment.

Axel and I had a conversation for almost three hours.
We were talking about pregnancy and how much he loves me from the start until today.
Stroking my belly so fondly is his new hobby now.
And I loved his last words before we went off to bed.

"Thank you for being a great wife. You're a super woman. You're going to be a mother, and I'm really proud of you. Thank you for being a patient woman. Thank you for understanding. Thank you for giving colors in my life. Thank you for the "Yes, I will marry you", thank you for loving me back. You deserve me, all of me. Thank you, for the love you've been giving me, Mrs. Hedfors".

Saturday, January 11, 2014

I Got Nothing But Love For You.

It's been three weeks,
And yes, I haven't seen Axel for a long time.
I want to hold his hands and sleep in her arms.
I want him beside me right now.

I am the most annoying woman in the world for Axel right now.
I keep asking him, "When will you come home?" again and again.
"Soon", Axel always replies me the same answer every time I ask.
Yet sometimes I want another answer, more than that.

I haven't told Axel about my situation lately.
I lost my appetite for the last few weeks.
I didn't grab my breakfast ever since.
I don't feel like eating.

My assistant forced me to eat my breakfast this morning.
And yes, it ended really bad.
I threw up.
I want my Axel here right now.

Axel sent me his photo with Sebastien this morning after I threw up.
He looked good, no, he always looks good.
He has been working really hard for us.
Yes, I am a proud wife.

But it hurts.
It hurts to see yourself in the mirror.
It hurts to wake up every morning without someone you really love.
It hurts to be separated by the time and the distance.
Axel always called when he finished his work.
"The show was great, 10.000 people came to watched", he said.
I am glad, I am happy.
But to be happy, is not easy.

He called me 2 hours ago,
He told me that he was on his way to airport,
He will go to Sydney, Australia then he will go to Adelaide.
And the drama started.

I began to cry when he said that he'll be home in two weeks.
I told him that I want him now, I want to be in his arms right now.
Axel paused quite a while, and said,
"Don't make me want to quit my job because I've been missing you so much since the day I left you at the airport".

Axel calmed me down.
He always knows how to do it.
Those words means a lot to me.
And he said,

"Do you know the feeling when you wake up and your wife isn't there? It kills me. I did, I had fun with my friends, had fun with the crowd, I ate lots of delicious food, I drank a lot and I drunk, I felt this awesome vibe when I was going to start something or when I was working for the last minute edit for my setlist. I've been working for some remixes and a new song, I told you a few days ago. But when it comes to you, every time I see your photo in my phone, every time you text me that you love me so much and you miss me, all I want to do is pack my things, then take the fastest plane, and go home for you".

We were talking for almost an hour,
When he said that he had just arrived at the airport.
Yes, we had to ended this conversation.
Axel paused for ten seconds and said,

"I'll be home very soon, my dear. I know it's hard for you to accept this, but I know that you will understand. This is not just about my career, but it's about us and our future. You are a very tough girl, and no one in this world could replace your place in my life. You were there in my bad times, you pulled me out from there. You deserve to be with me in my good times, and I will pull you out from this condition. Keep up with me until the end because we deserve to be happy. Keep on loving me, because I will keep on loving you for being a wonderful wife".

I cried harder than before.
I knew that he was tired because he only slept for two hours,
But he convinced me to not to give up on him, on us.
We can do it, we will survive.

"Nothing but love for you, dear", said Axel before we ended the call.
I miss my Axel now more than ever.
And suddenly, my assistant opens my bedroom door and walks in.
She forces me to see the doctor as soon as possible, the ob/gyn ones.

Friday, January 10, 2014

Leave the World Behind.

I was sitting on my bed,
When Axel came and told me,
That he had to go.
He had to go far away from this house.

Axel was sitting on the sofa in the living room,
When I came and told him,
That I never wanted this world.
I never wanted this condition.

Axel told me a bunch of things.
About life and about us.
We went down on a big road before this,
And we made it.

That's the reason why we are here now.
Together but not together,
Through the good times and the bad,
Our rights and our wrongs made us to be here.

I was talking to my friend through the phone overseas,
When Axel packed his things and asked me where his favorite t-shirt.
I ended the call and told him,
That I put his favorite t-shirt under my pillow.

Axel was talking to someone through his cellphone,
When I came to him to asked him about something.
He ended the call and said,
"You can keep my t-shirt while I'm away from you".

I was putting my mascara,
When Axel called my name and asked, "Ready?"
And I said, "Yes, I'm ready",
Though my heart broke in two.

The airport looked so busy that night.
It was sucks to see so many people walked around us.
I saw a girl kissed her mother's cheek before she went away.
I saw a guy kissed her girlfriend's forehead before he went away.

Axel was texting through his cellphone with someone,
When I was about to held his hand.
He stopped and put his cellphone in his pocket.
Then he held my hand like he already knew what I really wanted that moment.

I was looking at this cute little girl who was talking to her mother,
When Axel suddenly held my hand tighter than before,
He looked at me and said,
"This is it. Time to go".

I cried.
Axel kissed every inches of my face and hugged me around 2 minutes.
"Wait for me, because I will be back home only for you", he said.
I hugged Axel so tight like I never wanted to let him go, he kissed me for the last time,
He took his suitcase, smiled, and left.

One day, Axel and I will leave this world behind.
We'll be on vacation every weekend,
We''ll grow old together,
And as a wife, I have to be patient.