Thursday, October 30, 2014

Concrete Angel.

Another day,
Another concrete wall to make.
It's not about my reputation,
But it's all about the aching heart.

The feelings that hurt,
The emotions that stings,
The longing for impossible things,
The desire and the world’s existence,

Not everything's perfect,
Especially in the beginning.
I ran out in the woods,
And I began to cry.

Those regrets become part of who I am,
Along with everything else.
I've been spending my time trying to change that,
But it's like swimming in the flood.

There are no reasons about what happened back then.
It happened like that, period.
I've been given a second chance to start my life over,
And I threw that opportunity away.

At least I tried.
I tried to be honest with myself.
I tried to stay calm,
Yet it was pointless.

If only I could grieve endlessly for the loss of time and for the damage I made,
If only I could carry my scars with me,
If only I could trade all those memories for a brand new life,
God, I think too much.

I found myself remembering how on one night,
I started from nowhere in search of happiness.
It was good... Really good.

It's 02:34 now.
I won't recall,
I won't close my eyes.
I will let my eyes burn to ashes.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

"And We Wept That One So Lovely Should Have A Life So Brief." -William Cullen Bryant.

Wednesday, 29th October 2014 - 03:12 AM.

I can't sleep.
I've been daydreaming since two hours ago,
Until I realized that my subconscious is talking,
About the loss of my loved ones.

It has been three and two years,
That two of my inspirations left me to a place I cannot follow.
No, I'm not mourning for them right now,
It's just, I'm looking back on this moment of my life as such a sweet time of grieving.

My heart was broken back then.
I can't move on, all I did was mourn and cry and be done with it.
But yes, my life was changing.
Respecting and remembering and getting on at the same time.

I was like,
I wanted to walk to where you sleeps,
But I shall go on,
Living this life without you two.

Years go by,
And now it's 2014.
If you have ever lost a loved one, then you know exactly how it feels.
That you couldn't live for very long without a heart.

When you lose someone you were close to,
You have to paint a new picture of the world and your place in it.
I was wrapped up with the deceased,
So, the more difficult the loss.

No one could ever replace the boy in my life back then.
I'm not saying that the new one has to be like him, no.
But I'm in searching of that kind of figure,
A figure, who protects.

This is my own rhythm of suffering,
A deep hole of ache,
A bitter agony,
From a woman named "Ezekiel".

Monday, October 6, 2014

Welcoming A New Heartbeat.

I was looking outside my window last night,
When this thought came and blurred my vision.
About you, about us, about them,
About everything in front of my life.

I burst in tears.
For a minute, I began regretting what happened in the past.
But should I?
So I stopped.

I am a brave woman, I guess.
I love my past,
I love what had happened in my past,
Because of it, I won't be a woman today.

My old memories will always stay.
I won't erase. Can you?
Memories became lessons,
That I have to learn and understand.

Now I'm welcoming a new heartbeat in me.
I've got some things I need to see,
To learn, to feel, to understand, to hold, and to be grateful,
As a human.

Keep breathing.
Keep holding on.
Keep on walking.
Keep on loving.