When We Meet In the Northern Sky.

Floor made of wood and a room shades of gray.

Fluffy pillows and blanket.

Photographs and slow music.

Your favorite things hanged above your bed.

You loved to hug me when we went off to take a nap.

You waited me until I fell asleep.

You kissed my forehead like I am your favorite doll.

You whispered 'I love you' over and over again.

Remember when we sit separately in a room and you were talking to your friend,

You called me to came to you,

Then you kissed my cheeks and told me to return to where I sit.

You knew what I want and what I need.

You knew that we rarely had time together because we often spent our time with our friends.

So when we were on our way to Safari Park,

You took the left lane and said,

"Good for us, isn't it? So we can share things about us and nobody will disturb"

Years go by.

You've changed a lot.

But it is still you.

Still my rainy day.

It hurt,

When we were in the car after you picked me up and I drove your car,

You said, "I don't live to be yours, but as the best man at a time when you're happy or when you're down"

It hurt, I swear.

And when you said,

"You want me to be your husband? Are you sure that you want to have a husband who can't be your leader in marriage and religion?"

Just because of those tattoos on your body.

It hurt.

And when the last time you visited me.

Hell, I've been missing those eyes of yours.

Your smile and the way you look at me.

Perfect.

But I am sorry.

It's all over.

But I promise I will keep you in me forever.

So there won't be another goodbye.

Now you understand.

Look at me.

It wasn't him who broke my heart with these fond memories.

It was you all along.

Sweet Nothing.

I wasn’t upset.
I'm away from anger.
I'm hiding the feelings I have within.
I am sorry.

I believe in myself.
I stay true to what I deserve as an independent woman.
I didn't lock myself into a box just like back then.
I deserve what you never gave and what you could never give.

I remember when you left for your flight.
I remember when you told me that you'll see me soon.
And all I wanted is your very arrival to come back to me safely.
Like you promised me every night before we closed our eyes to sleep.

And there was a time when everything was wrong.
But time heals everything.
Letting myself down will never work.
That’s when I realized that I am the one who can save myself.

You woke up those seven deadly sins in you.
The richness we had found is lost.
Nothing is forever, this will not last.
So I left you not because I didn't love you.

If only I had the time,
I would pray the time to stand still.
Because there are still few words left unspoken.
For you I lied so you can walk in your own path.

Now I see.
That people go through with life, but never seem to fully come alive.
Life is a long story so you better take a comfortable seat.
But when it ends, won’t they be surprised?

You should stop and think about others.

Moment to moment...
Seconds to minutes...
Minutes to hours...


And you will notice one thing.
You survived.

Hummingbird's Elegy

02:00 AM, I'm wide awake.

Listening to an instrumental song called 'Vienna' by The Fray.

A pure sound of a piano,

And memories.

I never say goodbye to everything I had before this.

I hold them through these days.

Until they dry out from my hands.

But still, they never leave.

It hurts to know that they are here.

Alive, and agleam.

I can see their smiles so clearly.

I can feel how they hurt me that day.

I love you, you, and you.

All of you.

Those scars remain here in my chest forever.

Those warm bodies stay in my head.

But you, only you.

The one who tore my heart in two.

I don't want you here.

Let me go.

I'm running in pain.

I'm running in vain.

Because you run after me.

You find me and you won't let me walk alone.

I can't erase you.

Though you hurt me everytime I close my eyes.

Because the memory of you lingers forever.

Because you love me until now.

There is no way to reach me.

Because I'm already gone.

But this is not my goodbye.

This is my hello.

Too complicated to write about it here.

Nobody will understand.

But who cares?

I'm the one who takes this over.

Perhaps in three or five years,

Yours and mine will meet again.

I gave you time and this distance.

Let me take it back.

I am not your enemy.

No, we aren't.

I'm a woman and you're a man with these walls we built.

With these barriers we built.

Do as you please.

Love yourself.

Remember, I won't erase you.

You and the rest stay forever.

If tears could wash my pain away.

I would cry everyday.

Now, go.

But don't turn your back on me.

How Lucky You Are To Have Someone To Miss.

Atala

"Please, let me live"

Deva

"I don't want to hurt you"

Atala

"Give me another chance to take a good care of yours"

Deva

"Not now. But someday you will"

Atala

"Please don't wipe these tears"

Deva

"Your tears belong to me"

Atala

"Please don't leave me"

Deva

"I never left"

Deva

"Let me fix you"

Atala

"Hold me"

Deva

"I hope you're happy with your life now"

Atala

"I hope you're happy with your life now and forever"

Deva

"Don't give up on me"

Atala

"I'm saving my best for last"

Deva

"Come back for me"

Atala

"These eyes are missing yours already"

See?

You don't have to be afraid if you have to count the stars alone.

Because your body is always with you wherever you go.

So does the memories inside you.

He stays.

She stays.

Stop being denial to each other.

You are one.

A Soulful Conscience of A Hungry Female Wolf.

Hello, Damian.

It's been a very long time since we separated by your ego.

I know you are settled now.

You found someone, she replaced my place.

I don't miss you.

I don't miss our time when we were together.

But I have a bunch of questions.

And you don't have to answer.

What will you do,

When we meet one day,

You and I are alone, and we know that we had something in the past,

Will you leave your stubbornness behind?

Will you ask? And how will you ask?

Will you say hi?

Will you leave your selfishness for a day?

Will you realize? Will you look back?

Will you start all over again?

Or perhaps you will rewind the pain?

Will you brave you eyes to look into mine?

Will you look at me like the day you laid your eyes on me?

Will you dream the same dream like we used to? 

Will you stay?

Or perhaps you will run and hide yourself from me?

Will you try to convince yourself that I am the one you've been waiting and searching for?

Will you?

I am so far away from you.

I am so far away from reality.

We are playing with our mind.

We are lost. We are heartless.

But, we are still love each other.

The memories of me blend with your life.

My kiss goodnight, my kiss goodbye.

I live behind those heartless eyes of yours.

Always.

If only I can be with you right now,

I would make you warm with the love I give to you.

If only you would stay a little longer and be more patient,

We'll have our dreams come true now.

If only,

My ego could win you over.

If only,

Your ego could lose for my existence in your life.

What if,

Your heart beats my name tomorrow?

What if,

In your anger, you want me there to calm you down the day after tomorrow?

But I don't wish for that.

I wish you a great happiness for your life.

For a bright future, and a lovely woman who can handle you in her own way.

For your family you will build one day and for your career.

4:25 AM,

I look to myself in the mirror.

I smile.

And I say to myself, "One day, you and I will meet and let God do the rest".

Good morning, Damian.

Have a safe flight.

With joy and freedom,

Anissa Sadino.

Personal Trauma?

"You know, the moment when you are sitting alone on the bench in front of your house which located behind a dark valley and when you look up to the dark sky, hoping to see a shooting star but what you see is an airplane, flying across the starry sky? It hurts. It wakes an old memories I've been trying to let go."

-Sajesha, Reykjavík.

Come On, Hit Me.

Mate,

You need to move on.

You should learn.

Well,

"Once a liar, will always be a liar"

Geez...

Thank you for making me a heroine for days!

Now,

Go FUCK yourself and tell her that you LOVE her.

The Sun In Your Eyes.

I didn't predict this.

I didn't know that a man like you,

Can make me forget my pain,

With your good intentions.

You've been helping me through it all.

God knows what's best for me.

God gave me you.

God knows that you can make me happy.

I love the way you throw me a bunch of jokes.

You never fail to make me laugh.

You turned me into an over-protective person.

And I fell for you.

Do you remember that night,

When you said, "I want to share my happiness with you".

Definitely, yes.

I want to build my happiness with you around.

You know my bad habits.

You know that I am a stubborn person.

But I don't know why, I let you control me.

With patience, you've made me understand.

You aren't tired.

You deal with it.

You want me to smile,

I will give you my days full of smiles.

My dear, Adriara.

Thank you so much.

Because you didn't give up on me.

Thank you, for believing in me.

I love you.

Man In Denial.

Hey.

Don't make me laugh.

I do understand what you're trying to say.

That you can live without me.

Your mistake?

Thinkin' you're in a perfect condition.

You won the game.

Hey, you're not.

Accept the truth.

You can't forget me.

You've been pushing yourself too much.

You've been forcing your heart too much.

One day,

When you fall down to a hole,

And no one can help you,

I won't be there.

Why?

Because you weren't there when I fell.

Because people who can't handle me at my worst,

Don't deserve me at my best.

A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes.

I know a song called "A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes",

Sung by Cinderella, one of my favorite Disney characters.

Is that true?

If I dreamed about something, it's a wish my heart made?

I didn't wish for you.

I didn't wish a thing.

But I had a long conversation with my friend before I went to sleep.

And yes, I was talking about us.

I won't say I miss you.

Because maybe, you're already know.

I miss the moment when you kissed my forehead.

I miss us.

But life goes on.

I have to move forward.

With or without you.

I have to be ready.

We deserve chances.

But maybe not today, not tomorrow.

Or maybe a couple years ahead.

Or maybe no.

Just don't give up on me.

Learn to live with differences.

With or without me.

Learn for your happiness.

Dear You, I Can't Resist You.

Under the star, above the sea.

Under the same sun, but different place.

Same feelings, an old story.

Two hearts belong to another.

I didn't prepare for this.

I didn't predict this.

I am not ready.

To face the truth that we belong to someone else.

I wish that there will be years where I can hold you forever.

Where I can share my dreams with you.

Where we will grow old together.

But we are late.

You found me and I found you.

You lost me and I lost you.

I was hoping that you'll dry my tears that day.

But you were'nt there, no, you can't.

And now I'm rewinding everything.

I can't resist you.

I can't let go, no, I won't let go.

We can't let go.

Perhaps our heart aren't made for each other.

Sometimes, you have to love people from a distance.

So I give us the space to make sure,

Are we happy?

Tell me, are you happy?

You get exactly what you wanted.

Except all the things that were wrong are still wrong.

Then what? Tell me.

There are certain things in life where we know it is a mistake.

But, we won't admit.

Because we are the reason why we got here.

Because we are a memories, precious memories, we can't let go.

Now, appreciate what still remains.

And look forward to what's coming next.

People who are meant to be together will always find their way back to each other.

So, let there be hope.

Under the same sky, different clouds.

Same old story, different feelings.

Don't turn away, dry your eyes.

You'll live in me forever.

You're My Laser Light.

Noah,

Maybe I am the happiest woman in the world right now.

Why? Because I've made my own happiness.

I've been mixing these colors, red with yellow, green with blue, purple with white. I painted my own horizon. I didn't find my love in a hopeless place, now I'm standing in the light until it's over. I ran in field, played hide and seek with those grasshoppers, counted stars and ate green apples.

Life, is so much fun without a heavy burden.

I'm trying to look at something without blinking, to see what it is like, or it could have been like, and how that had something to do with the way we live now.

And yeah, you know that.

There is really nothing more to say except why. But since why is difficult to handle, one must take refuge in how. I want to fly free, so I gave up the shit that weighs me down.

I love the brand new me.

I am the music in me.

I am bulletproof, nothing to lose.

 There must be satisfaction at the end.

So,

I'll keep on running with joy for the sake of my own happiness.

Thank you,

I love you!

Severe.

My dear Adriara,

I know it hurts to know the truth.

I know you want me to forget.

You know that I still there trap in memories.

You can help me to forget.

You can change my mind.

I will do it for you.

For us.

But remember, Adriara.

You have 100 reasons to leave.

Can you take it?

Can you hold the pain I've been giving you, for me?

If you want to leave,

Then leave.

But tell me.

So I know and I can find someone else.

I need no perfection.

I need nothing.

But all I need is a little time.

A little more time so we can spend our days together.

My dear Adriara,

I am sorry.

Cool my head down,

So I can reach you someday.

Adriara,

Don't give up on me.

Nothing To Fear.

For you,

I let go someone who had been so good to me.

For you,

People label me as a woman who can't be moved.

Go away.

How can I do my life over if you're still here in my head?

How can I forget if you're still in love with me?

Please, go away.

Don't ever look back.

Keep your head up, cry, and move forward.

Let go.

Let me go.

Fill your head with anger.

Let your heart burns with your emotion.

You're just a ghost.

You are nobody.

Sajesha, what are you afraid of?

Rise, Sajesha.

Rise.

Nothing out there.

Thank you, for being one of those colors in my life.

Now, let me paint my dreams with another color.

Another bright colors,

For a bright new day.

A Headstrong, Obstinate Woman.

"Aira, kenapa dia?"

"Karena dia tidak ada disaat nenekku meninggal. Karena dia tidak ada disaat aku meneteskan air mata. Dia tidak ada disaat aku dibawah nol, dia tidak selalu bisa berada di sampingku disaat aku sangat membutuhkannya."

"Jadi? Tunggu apa lagi? Lupakan dia."

"Tidak bisa. Karena hal itu, dia membuatku kuat dan menjadikan aku perempuan mandiri yang tidak tergantung dengan pasangannya. Disaat aku jatuh, aku tahu, dia kecewa dengan keadaannya, karena cita-citanya yang menghalangi keinginannya untuk menemaniku di saat aku jatuh. Dia sakit, dia merasa bersalah atas itu. Dia berusaha kuat di hadapanku, padahal hatinya menjerit."

"Aira............. Kamu layak mendapatkan seseorang yang lebih baik dan lebih bisa diandalkan dari dia."

"Kupikir, dia sudah cukup walaupun kami berbeda."

"Aira, dia sudah tidak mencintai kamu. Mungkin dia sudah mencintai orang lain."

"Aku tahu itu."

"Aira, sadarlah."

"Devi, aku mencintai dia karena dia telah menjadikan aku wanita yang kuat, ada atau tanpa dia. Dia bisa membuatku bahagia walaupun hubungan kami terbatas jarak."

"Aira, dia seorang penerbang. Apa lagi yang kamu tunggu?"

"Hari, dan waktu. Hari dimana kami bersumpah sebagai suami istri, dan waktu dimana kami menyelesaikan hidup kami, saling memiliki dan mencintai, hingga kami dipisahkan oleh maut."

Too Late To Notice.

"Alyssa, I am sorry. I am terribly sorry. I want to hold you in my arms forever. Dont go away, please, stay with me. I lied, I'm sorry. I've been hiding it, but you know my weakness, you know me so well. Please, dont leave me."

"That easy?"

"No, it's not! Let me fix it, let me fix us, let me fix everything! Just dont go! Give me time, I want you. Please dont leave."

"I dont trust you"

"It was my mistake, I'm sorry! Just dont let go"

"Enough, Levi."

"Alyssa, I love you so much. How lucky I am to have someone that makes saying 'goodbye' so hard..."

"You are not lucky, because I got to keep moving on"

Tangled.

For a moment,

I really want to sing.

A song that represents my new life.

A song that hurts me so much.

Dont ask me to go back to the beginning.

It wont solve anything.

I wont go back.

I dont want to see your colors anymore.

Remember the way we used to be?

Remember the day I ran after you?

Remember the pain you put me through?

Remember the day you chose me to live with you?

And do you remember,

The night I showed up breathless at your bedroom door?

Just to ask how am I hurt?

Just to show you my tears?

You will remember.

Even your brain keeps telling your heart "dont".

You will see that someday,

You will do things you dont want to do.

So dont ask me to come back.

Don't talk to me.

Don't you remember?

You let me go, you asked me to leave.

And I did that for you.

I'll Be Your Sound.

Hello, you, yes, you.

Do you know why I ask too much?

Why I care too much?

Because your eyes make me ask.

I don't want to live up there in the sky.

I hurt by the sun.

Clouds won't let me.

So I back on the land where I used to be.

A couple songs and a guitar.

Those things are helping me back to my home.

Behind that purple valley,

Where I can talk to the wind how cruel the sky could be.

Now, wake me up.

Open my eyes.

Let me see the ocean once again.

Let me hear those wolves cry once again.

Help me do my life over.

Help me reconstruct the path I have walked for years.

Turn me on, hide my wings.

Hold me, so I can feel you.

Talk to me like you already have me for a long time.

Believe in me and I will believe in you.

Because when the world gone silent,

I will be your sound.

Learning Slowly.

The times has come.

Waktu dimana kita terpisah jauh.

Ga ada lagi suara,

Ga ada lagi air mata.

Lo harus belajar.

Begitu juga gue.

Mensyukuri apa yang kita punya.

Dan melupakan apa yang kita pernah buat.

I won't cry for you.

Dan gue sama sekali nggak nangis.

Why?

Karena gue lebih mencintai Tuhan gue dan diri gue sendiri.

We ended for a reason.

Dan gue percaya apa yang lo bilang terakhir itu yang terbaik buat gue.

Dan gue nurut sama lo.

I will find someone, who's better than you.

Please, learn.

Learn for a better future.

Belajar, supaya orang setelah gue nggak akan merasakan apa yang gue rasakan atas sikap lo.

Learn, to love someone from the heart.

This Conversation Will Be the Last Conversation For Me. And You.

"Aku pernah bilang sama kamu, kita itu satu, kita itu sama. Saat kamu ngerasa sakit, aku juga ngerasa sakit. Di saat aku ngerasa seneng, kamu juga ngerasa seneng. Sekarang, kita udah tiba di titik nol kesabaran kita. Kita sama-sama hancur. Kamu bisa bilang enggak, tapi jauh di dalam hati kamu, kamu meneriakan kata yang sama dengan kata-kata yang aku teriakan. Cuma kamu enggak bisa ngomong, dan kamu tau kalo aku yang akan mewakili teriakan kamu"

"Jangan pernah tinggalin aku lagi, Alana"

"Dion, kamu duluan yang ninggalin aku"

"Aku bener-bener nyesel, Alana. Aku kehilangan kedewasaanku. Maafin aku"

"Dion, aku bilang sekali lagi sama kamu, kita ini satu. Dan aku enggak pernah enggak maafin kamu. Kamu menarik lagi semua omongan kamu, dan kamu kembali ke pelukkan aku. Kebanggaanku kembali, kebahagiaanku kembali, kamu bisa lihat sebahagia apa aku sekarang?"

"Aku bisa lihat, hati kamu bicara jujur. Terima kasih, Alana"

"Dion"

"Iya, Alana?"

"Jangan pernah pergi lagi. Jangan biarin aku hancur lagi seperti kemarin. Dampingi aku, seperti kamu mendampingi aku kemarin-kemarin"

"Aku enggak akan membiarkan kamu jatuh sendirian lagi, Alana. Kalo kamu jatuh, akan jatuh lebih duluan daripada kamu supaya ketika kamu jatuh, udah ada aku yang akan menahan kamu membentur tanah, biar aku yang merasakan sakit. Aku tidak mau menghancurkan hati kamu lagi"

"Terima kasih, Dion. Terima kasih"

"Aku mau hidup terus sama kamu, Alana. Aku mau hidup terus di dalam diri kamu"

"Iya, Dion. Kita akan belajar dewasa bersama"

"Aku cinta sama kamu, Alana"

"Aku cinta sama kamu, Dion"

Don't Go Down A Path I Can't Follow.

"Gue ga takut mati. Buat apa takut mati? Harusnya seneng dong, kita pulang ke rumah"

Kita semua tau, lo selalu menantang maut. Dan orang seberani lo, pergi bukan menantang maut, tapi ditantang oleh maut.

Back to our good old days.
Berantem rebutan pizza, bangun tidur lo gendong gue terus nyebur sama-sama ke kolam renang, kebut-kebutan kaya alay, joget-joget di atas meja, scream-scream ga jelas, nyanyi bareng, tidur siang bareng lo jadiin gue guling terus gue dorong lo sampe jatoh dari tempat tidur, ke Bandung bareng, lo nyulik gue kemana pun lo mau, ke rumah gue buka kamar gue tiduran ga ngomong apa-apa dan numpang tidur, ke Puncak bareng dan banyak lagi.... I miss that.

Brother and sister, yes we are. Lo yang sangat protektif dan gue yang sangat bodo amat. Lo yang sangat perhatian dan gue yang cuek. Kita yang sembarangan. I miss that, I miss you so much.

"Lo perempuan, dan perempuan itu harus dijaga"
Inget ga kata-kata itu Ri? Pas kita lagi di Puncak, gue bilang mau cari rokok sendiri jalan kaki sore-sore, dan lo lagi mager-magernya abis tidur siang. Pas gue bilang mau cari rokok lo langsung berdiri, make jeans sama jaket terus bilang, "Yuk". Dan gue bilang gausah ditemenin dan itu jawaban lo.

Dan inget ga pas kita berantem? Ada yang cuma gara-gara lo ngajak gue makan bakso gue ga mau lah, gue minta temenin ke PIM lo ga mau lah, gue lagi tidur digangguin lah, lo lagi maen GTA San Andreas gue matiin tvnya, lo lagi mandi gue matiin lampunya, lo ga mau mulangin gue dari rumah lo, lo telfon gue ga gue angkat, lo mau jemput gue pulang sekolah gue gamau lah, banyak banget... Dan akhirnya? Lo yang selalu ngalah sama gue, lo ga pernah mau marah lama-lama sama gue. Even kalo kita diem-dieman, lo kadang sering bikinin gue makanan tp pake alesan Tuni yang biknin lah, gue tidur ga pake bantal lo yang kasih bantal... Lo selalu perhatian sama gue, guenya aja yang cuek sama lo. Maafin gue ya.

Dan momen-momen sedih kita yang ga bakal bisa keulang, terutama pas gue nangis. Dimana waktu itu gue lagi nangis dan lo gue ngurung diri di kamar lo, lo nyuruh gue keluar buat interaksi sama anak-anak dan gw nolak dan akhirnya nangis lagi padahal udah adem.

"Heh, heh, liat gue"
And I looked at you.
"Jangan nangis depan gue"

Mata lo berkaca-kaca, gemeter nahan nangis dan akhirnya nangis juga. Dan kita peluk-pelukan nangis bareng.

"Gue ga mau ade gue yang paling manis, yang paling gue sayang nangis depan gue. Lo orangnya rame dan gue ga mau liat lo nangis sampe segininya"
Ri, keadaan gue sekarang lebih parah dari hari itu. Maaf ya.

Abis itu Daici cerita sama gue.

"Mon, Ari tuh sayang banget sama lo. Tadi dia sempet bilang 'gue bingung gue harus gimana sama dia biar dia ga sedih lagi. Gue takut ga bisa bikin dia ketawa, itu nyiksa nyet' gitu. Tapi gue bilang, lama-lama ntar dia juga lupa"

Ari, maaf ya. Gue mungkin nyiksa lo sekarang, gue ngeberatin lo. Maaf, karena lo emang udah ga bisa bikin gue ketawa lagi. Gantian Ri, lo yang nyiksa gue sekarang. Maafin gue, Ri. Maafin gue.

Dan akhirnya kita kepisah, sama takdir. Lo menghormati banget orang yang misahin kita, tapi itu bikin gue benci sama lo karena gue akhirnya tau lo dan keluarga lo kaya apa.

Sampe akhirnya gue dapet berita kalo lo udah berpulang ke pangkuan-Nya. Dada gue sakit rasanya, hati gue sakit. Gue gatau harus ngomong apa. Sampe akhirnya gue telfon Exor dan gue bener-bener banjir air mata. Umur lo masih 23 Ri, terlalu muda untuk pergi jauh selama-lamanya.

Dan gue liat jenazah lo. Lo ganteng Ri, senyum lagi, kaya tidur biasa. Gue kan sering bilang, lo paling ganteng pas lo tidur, daripada lo melek terus pecicilan. Tapi sekarang yang gue harapin lo buka mata lo Ri, buat gue. Buat gue yang terakhir. Tapi maaf ya, gue ga sampe pemakaman, gue engga kuat Ri. Karena gue ga rela. Maafin gue.

My dear, I miss you so much. I love you so much. Kenangan-kenangan lo sama gue bakal terus hidup, gue ga akan lupa. Lo pernah bilang smaa gue, "We stick together like a chopstick and, til' a hungry fat guy does us apart". You mean death? Karena kematian udah do us apart.

Maaf, gue ga disana disaat lo sakit. Gue ga ada buat ngurus lo, karena lo yang lebih banyak ngurus gue. Maafin gue, Ri. Gue cinta sama lo.

I grew up with you.
You taught me things.
And now you left.
You went away forever.
You went down a path I cant follow.

Live for me, here, in my heart. Thankyou for everything. I love you so much, sleep well.