Ghoul.

I don't know who's wrong or right anymore.

Here in this realm,

we live like a hungry creature,

wanting for flesh, wanting for reactions.

I've been walking alone for hours.

I saw so many dead bodies laying on the street.

I saw many red eyes,

and people wearing masks.

I have so many questions.

Won't you tell me?

The monster that you see in front of you now,

is it a part of me?

I'm standing here, in the corner of my dream.

I won't stand there,

in the world that keeps on changing.

there's nothing left to see.

They said,

"You don't need to blame yourself just because you've hurt someone."

But all I need was,

one sentence to get lost in all sorts of dreams.

Listen, the clock is ticking,

I'm running out of time.

We have a lot to learn,

Both your kind and mine.

I learned something.

It's not the world that's messed up.

It's just us.

It was our mistakes.

I can't see my future.

It's too dark to see.

I'm shaking,

though I'm unshakable.

All I know is,

I'm the one who was being eaten.

My life is a tragedy,

an untold story.

Should I apologize for being a monster?

Has anyone ever apologized for turning me into one?

For my shredded body?

For these open wounds?

I'm a ghoul.

A lifeless ghoul.

I'm begging you,

please, remember me.

until I find my heaven,

until I find a place where I belong,

please, trap me in your memory.
Don't forget me that easy.

Black Dog.

"That's the worst expression of you this morning," she said.

"Did you sleep last night? Do you smoke some crack?" he asked.

"Are you okay?" they asked.

I'm not okay, Goddammit.

It's not about the war on drugs.

No, I wouldn't argue about that either.

It's not about people.

It's about me.

I'm starving for oxygen.

I live in a society where crazy is the normal.

I can't quit you.

I'm running out of time.

I believe in monsters.

Yes, they're exist.

They live in your body,

in my body.

It's not the monsters I should be afraid of.

It's their hearts,

their eyes,

and how they howl.

Emotions and barking dogs,

those things are polluting my heart.

Fear and suicidal thoughts,

those things are poisoning my mind.

The beauty of the moon won't ever mesmerize anymore.

The heat of the sun won't hurt me that much.

I don't have a choice,

they don't even give me one.

I loaned them my heart.

I gave them my soul.

I let them bite me for hours.

They killed me but they won't bury my body.

I forgot.

In this realm,

Everyone simply believes whatever they feel good about believing.

They don't care about being human too, sometimes.

One night,

I tried to listen to a voice.

A voice so quiet, so soft.

Integrity.

All I want is,

a lasting impression on people.

So they throw me a bunch of flowers,

not dead bodies.

"No one's going to get hurt if you do what you're told."

True, and fuck you.

I want my mornings and my nights back.

Help me, I really need some help.

I've been committing mass atrocities since I was a child.

I'm a heavily armed soldier.

Do you understand now?

This is the black dog of depression.

One Day in Spring.

You're here, 

you're more than ready for warmer days.

The weather is so calm,

and you bring your own sunshine.

Seasons are changing,

you could reach me faster,

faster than the falling snow,

faster than the wind.

You knew it,

the one who can handle you is me.

You saw it,

Our body break down the line.

Your body is ripped apart,

you knew that I will embrace you.

You came to me,

and explode in my arms.

Your frail hands, my favorite shinning instruments,

I saw your lips turn purple,

You're dreaming again,

flying and falling from the sky.

I'll picture you standing in my room,

watching me, begging for something I couldn't give,

crying, sulking, and trembling,

what the hell is happening to you?

Wait for me.

Stay up for me for a few more nights.

Until the morning comes,

Until winter, until the first day of spring.

The Phantom.

There is a certain silence,

that spreads like a virus,

and comes from a lifeless object like your head,
that lives in you for a very long time.

There are dreams that cannot be reached,

from an old wooden armchair in the corner of the room.
There's a love that cannot be found,

from a piano with dust upon its keys.

There is a stillness between us.

In the darkness of the night,

I'm searching for your eyes,

your hands, your voice.

I was there,

trying to unravel the real reason why you left,

why you loved me before,

with an open wounds.

The boy is a thunderstorm.

He's my North, my South, my East, and my West.

My broken instrument, my glossary,

he's the key of destruction.

The boy lives in this lonely world too long.

With frail wings and fragile heart,

he gradually becomes transparent,

unable to be seen.

Hold on to me, Demetri.

You're no longer a phantom in their darkest days.

You're a human,

and I won't consider you as my enemy.

We were never meant to be more than two souls.

We knew that.

But I want you to find me, and walk close to me.

Give me another chance to hold you tighter than before.

A Ghost in the Doorway.

It's been months,

Since he left without words.

Lost opportunities, lost possibilities,

Feelings we can never get back.

He never gets old.

No, he would never.

He's still a lovely lover,

Who has come and gone.

One night,

He stood in front of my door.

He said, "I've been waiting for you."

"I will always be waiting for you."

It took me years to learn,

To understand, to feel the love.

The question of being worthy in the eyes of a man,

Lasts forever.

This is my life,

A life that turned its back to me.

I have no chance,

To take it back, to fix everything.

I threw you away.

I locked you up in a room.

I killed you.

But you still love me without asking why.

Such a brave man you are, Demetri.

You are that kind of person who might not be there again.

Give me time to speak,

And you will love me to the bones and flesh.

In Dreams.

I met you once,

And I fell too deep.

I touched you once,

And it was painful.

I never thought that,

Someone like you could ruin my mind.

I never thought that,

Someone like you could wreck my perceptions.

I can't quit you,

I don't know why.

Been thinking about you since then,

And it hurts.

I know you're just joking around,

Making people laugh.

I know it won't happen that fast.

The hell is wrong with me then?

I like you.

I like you that much.

It's like, my mind is fucked.

Damn it, damn you.

Don't worry,

I'm just playing around.

I won't be there either.

I won't fall again for the second time.

I impressed you, didn't I?

Worry not,

We live in a different world.

I won't run to you.

Last Tears of the Wolf.

I've been counting since forever,

Talking nonsense,

Thinking out loud,

Killing time.

Something is reverberating,

Through my muscular organs,

Through my veins,

In a blink of an eye.

He's there,

From the beginning of time until now,

He's been howling, crying, and running with the wolves,

Trying to find a way to the dark side of the moon.

He doesn't know how to explain something that no one can't see.

He doesn't know how to not to kill people.

He lives alone.

But, he knows how to love someone sincerely.

It's frustrating, and he knows it.

He lives by his sword, the mighty Muramasha.

Blood falls down so fast from his forehead,

But still, he doesn't feel a thing.

Listen,

It's his favorite love song,

A soft and serene song,

A gentle melody.

I won't let him go.

I won't let him walk alone.

Hijikata Toshirou,

Let's be lonely together.

Five Minutes to 4 AM.

It was blissful.

We had a great conversation,

Until midnight,

Until dawn.

It was peaceful,

Reminiscing our youth,

Remembering the good old days,

The process of discovering.

Green and blue were the colors,

You were happy,

Smiling from ear to ear,

While the world broke your heart in two.

Surprisingly,

You found the other half of your broken heart.

You asked for help,

And I'm the one you chose.

Twenty notebooks,

And you couldn't rid any of them.

Years and years,

And you stayed the same.

Things are easily taken away from you.

But you kept your heart behind the door.

Your body is a moving vessel,

A sacred one, and scared.

Don't worry,

I'm working on this.

One day,

I will walk away.

You were right.

I can't do anything alone.

Flaws and imperfections,

Drive me to work harder.

I won't wait.

But I'll keep my eyes open.

I won't be blinded by the rays of a new day,

No matter how dark the night ahead may be.

Goodbye, London.

He left that morning.
I hope he left with no regret,
I hope he'll find what he's been looking for.
Because there is no turning back.

His last words still echoing in my head,
"Don't hurt yourself like I did," he said.
But this is the price we pay,
This is what we came for.

Minds like ours cannot be tamed,
And I wonder how long this will last.
Your colors are getting darker,
I was blinded, I was too far away.

Maybe I'm in love.
Too in love,
But too weak to carry on,
Too selfish to face the reality.

London is a lovely guy.
He never asked for more,
He never asked for love.
He loves me for who I am, and it's hard.

I got your messages.
I listened to it for hours,
Pain on pain on play repeating,
The burden gets too heavy.

I had hidden a lot of things inside.
I never dared to show them.
In silence, I tried to kill them,
But the heart wants what it wants.

My dear London,
I'm writing a letter I will never dare to send.
Touch my swollen eyes,
You can read me, go ahead.

London,
Come back to me.
We could have been so glorious.
I miss you already.

London.

There's this boy,

So pure, so gentle,

A boy named London,

A happy boy, a lovely boy.

London is so beautiful.

I would hold him close for days.

We hold hands and cherish the moment.

We are forever.

Oh yes, we drink too much.

We smoke too much, stay up too late, laugh a lot.

We talk too much,

But we hate too often.

We drive too fast.

We look up to each other,

We spend more,

But enjoy less.

We've been all the way to the moon and back.

We have trouble crossing the good side of our minds.

We conquered outer space, not inner space,

And we've done larger things, but not better things.

There are so my things I want to say to you, my dear London.

But I can't.

I just can't.

I'm sorry.

One night,

You looked at me,

And wished that I could say anything about us.

But I refused.

A few days ago,

You gave me that look.

Still, I refused to say a word.

I'm really sorry.

London,

I just want to spend some time with you.

You're not going to be around forever,

You'll leave.

Now, start counting.

How many misunderstandings we have passed?

How many love we have shared?

How eager you are to kill me?

All I could say is,

There is nowhere else.

I'm there, in your veins, in your blood,

I become every part of you.

The most painful thing is,

Someone calls,

He said he needs your blood,

Then you go for a blood transfusion procedure.

"What's mine is mine,"

I know your answer,

And I can't reply it.

I can't hold it any longer.

London, listen to me.

Thank you for being honest.

Stay true to your principles.

Live passionately, fully, and well.

It's time for you to experience new things.

I won't wait, but I'll be there.

I won't leave you.

Love and be loved, if you have that chance.

Miracle Aligner.

He's that kinda guy who doesn't want to make eye contact.

An introvert one, but not a loner.

A leader, a true story teller,

And his name is Miracle Aligner.

And there's this girl,

A quirky one, a lighthearted person,

She sees the world from a different perspective,

And her name is Tiger.

Miracle Aligner could get anything he needs.

Miracle Aligner has a strong vision about himself.

No, Tiger is not jealous.

It's just, she has so many questions in her head.

Miracle Aligner wasn't born to blow her mind.

Miracle Aligner won't make her dream come true.

Miracle Aligner is a wolf, he lives in the woods.

He's a hunter, and sometimes be hunted.

"A black wolf," she said. "Is a vulnerable wolf." 

Silent and starving,

Miracle Aligner chose his own path,

But still, he doesn't know what he wants.

And he doesn't know what to do either.

In search of happy days he knows he'll never find,

He stays in his comfort zone for too long,

And he wonders, if some part of him knew about it.

Come on,

His name is Miracle Aligner.

The great enemy of freedom is the alignment of what you've been thinking and worrying.

It could destroy your beliefs.

Let your existence be your book.

This is not about your identity,

But for the love inside your soul,

And for the eternity of a miracle, just like your name.