Friday, June 24, 2011

Ireland of My Heart.


Mala duduk diatas rerumputan basah diatas bukit. Angin mengelus lembut rambutnya. Gitar kesayangannya tertidur pulas di sampingya. Mala duduk manis sambil memeluk kedua kakinya, menatap langit gelap kebiruan. Ia menanti matahari untuk bangkit dari tidur lelapnya, tersenyum menatap hantaran rerumputan basah di depannya dengan penuh kasih sayang.


Mala menutup matanya. Ia bisa mendengar angin bernyanyi dengan indahnya, menyapa rerumputan hijau di hadapannya, mengelus awan dengan anggunya. Allah SWT yang Maha Agung, Engkau memang Maha Kuasa.

Jutaan cerita hadir dalam pikirannya secara perlahan. Ia tidak ingin mengingat kenangan buruk, hanya kebahagian yang dia hadirkan. Ia tersenyum tanpa sadar, masih menutup mata. Matahari belum mau terbit, apakah ia kelelahan?

Ia bisa mendengar denyut jantungnya, jantungnya ikut bahagia. Seluruh organ tubuhnya seperti berteriak bahagia. Mala merasa lega, ia bisa membahagiakan tubuhnya dengan alam. Ya, hanya alam yang mampu membuatnya tersenyum penuh arti.

Ia melemaskan jemarinya, menyentuh rerumputan yang basah. Apakah mereka menangis? Inikah tangisan kebahagiaan? Cara mereka menyambut pagi?

Beberapa burung kecil melintas di atas kepalanya, bersiul riang menyambut sang matahari. Dan mendadak hilang dalam kabut pagi yang dingin.

Mala membuka kedua matanya. Ia menitikan air mata. Dimana lagi ia akan merasa damai seperti ini? Dimana lagi ada tempat yang mampu menentramkan jiwanya selain disini? Cara apa lagi yang mampu membuatnya bahagia kecuali bersatu dengan alam?

Mala membiarkan tubuhnya jatuh perlahan dan bersatu dengan rerumputan yang hijau dan basah. Ia dapat mencium segarnya bau rerumputan basah di pagi hari, ia membiarkan kabut pagi menjadi selimutnya untuk beberapa waktu. Ia mengelus gitar kesayangannya yang terasa beku di sebelahnya, dan tersenyum.

Semesta, kita sedang bernafas bersama, kita sedang berbahagia bersama. Jangan pernah berubah, jangan buat hatiku hancur. Aku mencintai kalian semua, hiduplah bersamaku, karena kalian adalah kekasihku yang amat kucintai.

Dante, I'm Not Coming Home.

Now playing: Cherish the Ladies - Erin Grá Ma Chrói (Ireland Of My Heart).

Dante.
I'm crying.
Feel me, feel my tears, feel my pain.
I cant see your colors, I cant hear your heartbeat.
You're not breathing with me.
I cant see you.

Those are not your footsteps, it's not your shoes.
I need your voice, I want you to scream louder than before.
Please, I cant hear you.
Please, I need you.

You remain here inside my chest, inside my head.
Dont turn your back on me.
Dont close your eyes, I want to see them.
Your light brown eyes, warm me up.
You're too bright for me, you're too far.

Dont leave me behind.
Forgetting you but not the time.
No, I wont forget.
I wont go, I'll stay, I'll keep holding on to myself.

I believe you'll comeback.
I believe you'll shine a light on me.
I believe you'll reach me someday.
I believe in you though you belong to someone else.

Let the rain pouring on us, let it be.
See me shaking with pale face.
See me falling like the snow.
Bring me back to your life.
Bring me back our memories.

Dante.
I'm still crying.
Watch me walking with no direction.
Watch me crying like I'm crazy enough to beg you to not to leave me.
Thursday, 23 June 2011, 02:55, I'm still waiting.
Make my cheeks turn red, make me smile.

Dante.
I love you.
I always do.
Come back.
I need you.

Dante,
I have so many things to say but you're so far away.

You're still glowing.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Your Smile Cant Fool My Eyes, Athena.


I am here.

I'm walking on air.
Two eagles flying above me.
Acid tears running down from the sky.

I hate reality.
I want to live in my dream.
I dont want to wake up.
I want to stay in the land of fantasy.

I walk slowly.
I am going to reach the sun.
Dont be afraid, my dearest.
I am not alone.
My body is with me wherever I go.
I'm walking with the wind.

I'm flickering and I wont blink.
Their eyes are showing me their feelings.
I dont need that.
Because I understand.

Show me the light.
I dont need lamp for tonight.
Nature will help me through the night.
It's easy to ignite.

Show me the way to live in you.
Tell me how to conquer you.
I am not coming back.
Stop my heartbeat.

I will stay awake all night long.
Though my chest is going to burst.
Though I cant see my own color.

I will keep on singing your song.
Though my heart is not beating.

You're Breathing With Me.


Nothing was real.
A dream about phenomena, about them,
My dearest, Athena.
I'm sorry.

I'm cursed.
I have to go.
I have to run.
I have to sink.
I will drown you in the water.
I will surrender.

You're the wind and I'm the bird.
You're the soul and I'm the body.
Regrets.
Atrocity.

I'm a torch.
I will walk alone.
I will run alone.
And you begin to move.
Elegant.
Cold.

Heartbeat.
Breathing.
Heal my wounds while we're tidal.
While we're twenty.
While we're here.

I love you.
And you're breathing with me.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Monday, 06 June 2011, 15:45.


Sitting in the class, nothing do.

Boring quantitative class, yea those words are yelling like a hungry lion.
Come on....................

I had a rough morning.
Had a phone call for 30 minutes.
Yea I need 30 minutes just to say goodbye.

I was happy.
It was warm.
But now it turns odd.
It crawls beneath my skin.
Please stop.

My friend named Billy, who's sitting beside me, talking to himself like he owns the world.
His face looks sleepy, yea, totally, 100%.
His eyes show me everything. "Fuck me, I'm bored. Let's do it in the backseat".
Sure go ahead, with the girl who sits beside Bryan. No, not Wynne.

And Billy asks, "Are ya tryna tha kill meh", yea what an accent.
I say no, I was trying to show him heaven but what the hell is he talking about.

And for a moment, we hear a sound. A heavy sound.
"Well, the invasion starts now", says Billy and now he's starting to talk to himself again.

I laugh in silence for a moment.
I was sad in the morning and now, I smile.
Well, back to my daily routine, Captain.

Swear To Me, That You'll Be A Better Man.


If I were a boy,

I would listen to her.
I would protect her.
I wouldnt let her cry.

If I were a boy,
I would stroke her hair before she goes to sleep.
I would kiss her cheeks and her forehead.
I would be in her dreams.

If I were a boy,
I would answer her call.
I would reply her message.
I would make her know that I'm okay here in my bedroom.

If I were a boy,
I would do the things she likes.
I would hold her tight.
I would make her the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life.

If I were a boy,
I wouldnt let the rain pouring on her.
I would lend my jacket.
I wouldnt make her feel cold.

If I were a man,
I would take care of her.
She would be one of my responsibilities.
I would marry her and make her proud.

If I were her husband,
I would give her a long kiss goodnight.
I would give her the best I could give.
I wouldnt let her feel lonely.
I would take care of her pregnancy.
I would be her man until death do us apart.
I would be the one she dies with.

If I were her father's children,
I would give them my all,
I would take a good care of them,
I would be the greatest father in the world.
I would be the happiest man in the world for having someone like them.

If I were her man,
I would show her the tears of the happiest man in the world.
I would stick with her.
I would go everywhere she would go.

If I were a boy,
I swear, I would make it all comes true.

Sunday, 05 June 2010, 02:33 AM.


Lying down on the bed like a fat house cat.
Playing Virtual DJ like there's no tomorrow.
Taking a drag from my cigarette after having a long tiring day.
Went to a several places in Bandung, had a cup of hot chocolate and fried chicken for lunch.

But still, I want to go somewhere far colder.
Where I cant feel my fingers.
Where I can see the stars glowing like a thousand diamonds.
Where I can spend my time alone singing through the night.
Where I can find the real me.

I'm a 2000 years old tree.
I'm an early morning dew.
I'm an ocean air.
I'm a mountain wind.
I'm an eagle.
I'm a sand.
I'm a seagull.
I am me.

It's so calming when I see a row of trees in the evening moving, driving by wind.
When I see the clouds above me hiding the sun from Earth.
When I see the river flowing its pure water.
When I see the ocean waving to me.
Nature is beautiful.

I love them, but why still I cant respect them?
That's the big question.

One day, I'll be lying down on a wet green grass in the mountain.
Playing guitar and crying.
Why crying?
Cry for realizing how could the almighty God made these. All of these.
Tears of happiness.

02:55 AM.
I should go to sleep.
Goodnight nature.
I love you.

Ghost In the Doorway.

Friday, 03 June 2010, 14:37 PM.

I was smoking in front of my laptop and was having my evening tea at Neverland (I named my bedroom "Neverland").
It was a windy day and the sky was clear.
I watched the cloud, the sun hid behind it.
The wind blew so hard, softly approached the trees in front of my house.
Are they talking to each other?, I asked to myself.
What a view.

I played some music on.
My playlist on iTunes which I named it 'Around Us'.
I shuffled it, and suddenly, it played Boyce Avenue - Change Your Mind.

I took a drag of my cigarette deeply.
I smiled. I enjoyed the song.

The song ended.
And it played The Chemical Brothers - Hold Tight London.

Been a months I didnt listen to this song.
An emotional song, which could make me crazy for hours.
For a minute, the song rewinded everything in my head.
Suddenly, I cried.

The song represents me.
The song is me.
The lyrics got me.

I lit on my seventh cigarette.
I stopped crying.
I looked down and puffed the cigarette smoke to my laptop.

What kind of animal I have become?
What kind of life I live right now?
What kind of feeling I hurt right now?
What is that? Who are they?

They're just a ghosts in the doorway.
I can see through but I hold tight.
I dont want to be a part of them.
I dont want to fall again.
I dont want to grow up.
I want to stay.

I lit on my eighth cigarette.
I pulled the trigger.
I painted my dreams.
I cursed the reality.
I walled my anti-barrier.
I closed my eyes.

I will see you in the breeze.

A Cup of Tea and City Lights Are My Bestfriends.


It has been 24 hours.
Okay, I guess this is the end.
He went away.
Okay. Take a deep breath.

I walk to the balcony outside my bedroom.
My house has a beautiful view in town by the way.
I stand there, and in front of me, spread out a view of the city lights.
I can feel the nightlife, I can hear a bunch of cars blows their horns.
Thousand colors paint the night from the buildings.

I hold my cup of tea tightly.
It's still hot, my favorite one.
No cigarette for tonight.
He doesnt like it.

Beep beep.
One message received.
I dont want to look at it.
Expectation leads me to sadness.

Beep beep.
Two messages received.
It must be Tara. She wants to meet me this weekend.
Nevermind.

Beep beep.
Three messages received.
Okay... Let me check the first meesage.

From Dante.
He says, "I miss you".

I................. Oh shit I can say a word!

And the second one.... "Call me".
And the third one.... "Where are you? :(".
I'll call him.

"...................Hello", says Dante.
"Hi", I'm shaking.

And we're talking.
I cant stop smiling, no I cant.
15 minutes talking, and it ends.

"I miss you still", I text him.
He replied, "Me too. Now go to bed, sleep with me, hug me and kiss me til the sun comes up. And stay there beside me when I open my eyes".
"I wont go anywhere. My home is your heart", okay, I'm being honest.
"You want to be my wife?", okay, Dante makes me melt.
"Your wife-soon-to-be", I reply and smile.
":) now clean up, off to bed and dream of me. See you", says Dante.
"You too, goodnight!", and it ends.

Dante's last message makes me very very happy.
I'm wishing right now...
That you're the one I will live my life with.

Dala loves you.
Dala means it.


Friday, 03 June 2010, 23:07 PM.


I'm at Kopi Ireng, Dago Pakar, Bandung right now with my family.
Having a cup of hot chocolate here.
The view is so calming, so amazing.
The city lights look like a thousand miles of fire.
Beautiful.

I remember the day I saw you.
An eyes of an eagle and lovely smile.
A very soft look and smile from you,
A love lost refrain.

I saw you lying down in front of me.
Watching the stars like trapped in memories.
I saw you spiritful.

Okay stop.
It's 23:40.
I'm still breathing.

Friday, June 3, 2011

You're In Flight, With Tidal Wave 03.


Ladies and Gentlemen,

This is Captain Janbiraff speaking, welcome aboard.
And you're in flight, with Tidal Wave 03.


I love you.
And I am sorry. For everything.
I cant reach you.
Reality blocks me.

So, go. Go on.
Erase me, go ahead.
Hate me, loathe me like you care.

But I am different from you, from anybody else.

You're still a part of me.
I still have you here, in my eyes.
Time goes by, but memories remain.
How do I go from here?
How do I carry on?
I cant get beyond the questions.
Pain on pain on play, repeating.

Everybody says, time heals everything.
I'll let my clock ticks away the pain, the feelings of you.
No, this is not a war against myself.
This is reality.

Music plays, a lovely single from Imogen Heap called Tidal.
I cry in the middle of the song, but it wont be long.
I do it for us.

You are beautiful.
With an unusual personality and reassuring voice.
You're glowing.

I would listen to your voice every night if I could.
I will always thinking about you and wondering,
What are you doing, are you sick, are you happy?
You'll be good, you'll be okay.

I came to your life with smile, and I'll be leaving with smile.
I'll be leaving you with a gentle smile, though it hurts.

My dearest, I love you.
But I cant get through.
Dont say that I or you came in a wrong time.
It was God's plan. Believe in our God in every way.
But this is not a goodbye, anyway.
I will never say goodbye.
I'll be there if you need me.
In your happiest moment or saddest moment,
In every condition,
I'll be there, as a friend.

We'll be landing soon.
The runway is 100m ahead.
Start counting.
On land, we are nobody.
But remember, I wont pretend like I dont know you.
I met you and I fell for you.
And you're still someone for me.

My dearest, I love you.
You're still my tidal.
Take care.

Nobody Dies Virgin? Her Sister Was A Virgin. She Was 22.


"Dont you ever dare to contact me again", says Gecko.
Delilah keeps silent. She cries.
"What? Another tears for today? Bye", Gecko stands up but Delilah pulls his shirt.
"Please........ Dont go", sobs Delilah.
Gecko looks at her and crouches in front of her. "Look at me".
Delilah looks at him. Gecko sits beside her and strokes her hair.
"So this is the way you say you love me?", asks Gecko.
With terrible eyes, Delilah answers, "I love you so much, dont leave, stay with me forever".

"I'll do anything to make you stay".

She's a fool.

Gecko looks down and smirks.
"So you'll do anything for me? Anything?", he rewinds his words just to make sure.
"Yes", Delilah answers him like a hero.

"Okay.............", Gecko looks at her, like a hungry predator. "You I know I love you. So much".
Delilah keeps silent. Wondering, what'll happen next.

"You know I want you", Gecko puts his hand in the place where the legs meet together and join her body in a soft move.
"And yours".

Delilah looks like a dead bird.
He wants it. My virginity.
He wants my all. He wants me. He wants it. I want him.

"You dont wanna do it?", Gecko's face turns out like a kid. A poor kids who really wants to eat candy.

Should I let go?, asks Delilah to herself. Should I? If I do, I will never have it back.

"I love you and sex means everything. People cant live without sex, you'll learn about it, with me", Gecko smiles so wide.

Delilah cries.
This is so difficult, a very difficult choice to make.
She's torn in between Gecko and loyalty to her body. Loyalty to her future.

"If you love me, sacrifice yourself for me, to prove me that you really love me", Gecko strokes her hair. "Give me an answer".

Delilah feels like shit.
If she could turn herself off... She would turn herself off forever.
But she thinks she's a woman and she's mature enough to face a problem like this.
With eyes like traitor to herself, she says, "Yes, I'll give you mine".
Gecko smiles so wide and kisses her forehead.
"Come", Gecko asks Delilah to come with him, into the car to his house.

In my opinion, Delilah is a fool.
She said something very very wrong, a fatal one, "I'll do anything to make you stay".
Dont ever let love buys your pride.
Do you know his feeling? Does he really love you? Does he really want you?
Your virginity is not toy.

Women are expensive.
Please, take a good care of your body.
Save it for your husband.
Save the best for last.
You should proud of yourself to be a virgin before you married.

But it's your choice.
My writings wont do your life, so do I.
It's yours.
This is my opinion.
And because I do that.

But remember...
If you want to love someone, love yourself first.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Draft Beer? Tea Is Better.


Mon: I wanna bomb this town.
Noah: I'll buy you a c4.
Mon: I dont wanna live here.
Noah: I'll take you nowhere.
Mon: Nature is my partner.
Noah: I know.
Mon: Sea is my shelter.
Noah: So does the horizon.
Mon: I dont feel like living.
Noah: Get a new life then.
Mon: I cant leave my life here.
Noah: Do a new routine.
Mon: I want to have a cup of tea.
Noah: A not so hot one with 3 teaspoon of sugar, here you go.
Mon: I want to live underwater.
Noah: Baby beluga will love you more than he used too.
Mon: I want to rule the sky.
Noah: Show me your eagle eyes.
Mon: I want to smell the mountain air.
Noah: Dont forget to listen to Jonsi's.
Mon: I want to fall in love with someone.
Noah: Love yourself first.

Mon: How do you know me so well?
Noah: I live in you. Been living there for years.

Mon: So you know my secrets?
Noah: I know you more than anyone.

Mon: Answer me, things I really wanna do right now.

Noah: You wanna live in a place where you can blend with it, you want to live with nature. But you dont have the strength to do it because you have so many tasks requiring to be done. You want to live on your own, you want to do whatever you like, but reality blocks you. You would cry for hours for it, but hey, that's life, and you're still waiting the moment you'll have your chance.

Mon: I need my time alone, Noah.
Noah: What about 'them'?
Mon: I love them.
Noah: They love you. I love you. I believe that someday, you'll get what you want.
Mon: Thanks.
Noah: Dont say thanks. Say thanks to God. God gave you brain and a heart to feel.

Noah lights on his cigarette and smiles.

"Your faith has got to be greater than your fear, says Julian Casablancas. Believe in yourself you'll do this someday, somehow. But one thing, you're not going to reach the horizon alone".

Yes, you right Noah.
I am not who I am right now.
Yes, I need a cup of coffee.