Tuesday, July 29, 2014

One Day, Three Autumns.

Dear Gianluca,

Do you remember those happy days,
When you took me out of town,
Only to spent more time with me?
I know you were very sleepy.

Do you remember the story I told you,
Inside my car, at the hospital,
I cried and you looked so embarrassed,
I love you.

Do you remember all those times,
Every second we spent together,
You always make me feel like I am the main priority in your life,
The first on your list?

You fit perfectly against my chest.
I really appreciate and adore you without restraints,
And I hope you realize your importance not only to me,
But to everyone who has been lucky enough to know you.

What? Why I adore you?
You have time for me,
That's the most important.
And I hope that will never change.

Do you know,
When I care about someone,
I will always give my time even though I am busy.
And I always care for a very long time.

I will marry you today and everyday.
I will marry you heart, your soul, every inch of your skin, your voice, your heartbeat, your mind, your strenghts and your weaknesses, every little detail in you,
And your eyes, that sleepy gaze from yours,
I will respect you.

"One day, three autumns",
A Chinese idiom that is used when you miss someone so much,
Like one day feels like three years,
And yes, I feel it everyday.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

A Ghost With A Beating Heart.

Here I am, sitting on my bed,
My face looks terrible, like I just saw a dead body under my bed.
I've been thinking about something that I shouldn't be thinking about.
A thought, that leads me to a dream.

I saw you.
My favorite boy was there, sitting on the couch.
And I saw myself,
Standing in front of him, crying.

It's like I was trying to convince you about something.
It's like, I was begging, like a child,
I was begging you to not to leave,
But you won't listen and you shook your head.

I know,
That moment will come.
And I don't like that part.
I don't want that part in my story.

What if, one day, you refuse to love anything?
What if, one day, you stop catching me when I fall?
What if, one day, you let me go and you're not regret it?
What if it happens? What should I do?

Do you know,
That moment when you can actually feel the pain in your chest,
From hearing something or seeing something that breaks your heart?
I'm feeling it while I'm writing this down.

There will come a time,
When he stops fighting for you,
When he stops asking where the hell are you,
When he wants to go far away from you,
When he wants to have your throat cut,
When you beg him to not to go but he insists that he has to,
When you say you love him and he doesn't want to love you back,
When he sees you like you're just somebody he used to know,
When he looks at you and feels absolutely nothing.

Tell me that this is unreal.
Tell me that I was having a bad dream.
Convince me, that you're not going to leave me.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

My Love For Gaza.

Dari satu ibu kami berdua menarik nafas,
Membuka lebar kedua mata,
Menyaksikan saudara kami dilahap rasa benci berupa api,
Dan hancur tanpa nama.

Ledakan demi ledakan menyayat keberanian saudara-saudara kami,
Nyawa mereka hanya untuk balas dendam,
Untuk ego yang tidak akan pernah padam,
Untuk lautan tubuh penuh debu dan darah.

Perlukah alasan?
Perlukah pertumpahan darah?
Air mataku untuk Gaza,
Tidak akan pernah mengering.

Biarkan anak-anak kami bernafas dan melihat indahnya perdamaian,
Biarkan para lelaki memimpin keluarganya,
Biarkan para ibu menebar cinta,
Biarkan saudara-saudara kami hidup.

Peluru bukan jawaban untuk memenuhi keinginanmu.
Hentikan sumpah serapahmu,
Dan penuhi langit dengan doa dari agamamu,
Kumohon, jangan leburkan tanah bumiku.

Jangan pernah tutup matamu dengan kebencian.
Cintaku untuk Palestina,
Cintaku untuk Israel,
Saudara-saudaraku, bertahanlah.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Before You Hear The Sound of The Ocean Again With Me.

I can't sleep.
My heart needs something, a medicine,
His arms, his eyes,
That point of feeling blue for him.

I can't find you.
I crawl, I run,
I will chase your shadow to the end,
But it's nowhere to be found.

I am here,
Sitting alone in the darkness,
Missing someone,
Missing an arm.

I will pull you close.
I won't let go.
Minutes feel like hours,
Days feel like years.

It's like you're so far away.
It's like you're standing on the horizon,
But not alone,
And not lonely.

They say when you are missing someone,
That person is probably feeling the same.
But I don't think it's possible for him to miss me,
As much as I'm missing him right now. 

That's how you know you love someone, I guess.
When you can't experience anything,
Without wishing the other person were there to see it too,
It's something special.

It's like, I can't discover you.
It's like, I've been looking for you the entire time.
It's like, I'm not paying enough attention.
It's like, I can't find you in my head.

It's like,
Missing someone and not being able to see the person you miss is the worst feeling ever.
Even when he's right beside you,
You're still missing him anyway.

Friday, July 4, 2014

Twilight Sun.

06:24 AM

Still sleepy,
And my head is heavy.
I look to my right,
And he's still sleeping.

06:42 AM

Still watching him sleep.
He looks tired,
Looks like he's having a deep sleep.
What a beauty.

07:31 AM

I fell asleep,
And he's still sleeping.
I lay my head on his chest,
He's not moving.

07:44 AM

Still listening to my favorite song all the time,
His heartbeat, it beats softly.
He's moving,
He hugs me and go back to sleep.

08:19 AM

I wonder,
Could we end up like this every morning,
Starting today?
I'm in love with this moment.

08:26 AM

I wish I could give him more time,
I wish I could love him more than this,
I wish his arms always warm when he hugs me,
I wish his eyes would never turn away from mine.

08:37 AM

He breathes softly,
It's like, his burdens disappear.
I stroke his forehead and his head fondly,
Kissing his forehead is my new hobby now.

08:48 AM

I wish the clock stop ticking for a while.
I don't want this moment comes to an end.
He's my favorite view,
My twilight sun.

09:20 AM

He opens his eyes.
He touches his eyes and yawns,
He looks at me.
And he smiles.

I love the feeling when I see someone I love is sleeping.
And the moment when he opens his eyes to the world.
It's like, you're seeing a beautiful scenery,
And it's far more important than to see your own reflection in the mirror.

Because I don't want to miss every moment when we were together.
Because I cannot predict what will happen tomorrow.
Because our time is precious.
And he's the reason why.

06:12 AM, the next day

I open my eyes.
I'm breathing softly,
And I look to my left.
My baby is still sleeping.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Out of The Blue.

I am hearing nothing but the beat.
Yes, I am hearing a song from a beating heart.
A song, a chant, a melody,
And no one in the world could hear it except my ears.

I see what people don't want to see.
I see pain, I see love, I see tears, I see fear,
I see you,
Yes, I can see right through you.

I understand why people refuse to understand.
I understand you, your needs, and your wants.
And I know you will shake your head like that.
I am capable enought to make you happy.

People judge and point their fingers to me.
I don't give a single shit.
Fuck you woman, you're just being too 'female',
And I am a woman who balances my thoughts and feelings.

People deserve to be hurt.
People need to experience pain and hatred.
Then, they will realize,
That they have done it before a long time ago.

I wrote my own story.
I shot and edit my own movie.
Those are my photographs,
And I'm going to make another million tomorrow.

I deserve to be happy and to be grateful.
I love the man who's in love with me now.
I'm sharing my left eye with him,
And we're going to make another movie.

Can you see what I see?
Can you hear what I hear?
Can you feel what I feel?
I dare you to do it.

Because You're A Sky Full of Stars.

I am so in love.
Too in love,
In love with the feeling behind this blindness.

Do you ever feel loved?
Do you ever feel too in love with someone?
Have you ever loved someone without saying 'love'?
It's beautiful, isn't it?

I left my hurts behind,
I love with a love that is more than love,
Because I learned to give and receive like an open window,
Then, I love some more when I'd rather hold on tight.

His arms feel like home.
He loves without knowing how, when, or from where.
Mine is so simple, without problems or pride,
And yes, that made "us".

I never expected this story before.
Mine wasn't that sensitive.
Then he came with patience and attention,
And my heart sang my favorite song.

Can you see how I feel?
Can you see how happy I am to love someone?
Eventhough things will never be enough,
I will keep on loving because he deserves it.

I miss my man now more than ever.
Precious time? It is so rare that I don't even want to blink.
Because he's a sky full of stars.