The Sun In Your Eyes.

I didn't predict this.

I didn't know that a man like you,

Can make me forget my pain,

With your good intentions.

You've been helping me through it all.

God knows what's best for me.

God gave me you.

God knows that you can make me happy.

I love the way you throw me a bunch of jokes.

You never fail to make me laugh.

You turned me into an over-protective person.

And I fell for you.

Do you remember that night,

When you said, "I want to share my happiness with you".

Definitely, yes.

I want to build my happiness with you around.

You know my bad habits.

You know that I am a stubborn person.

But I don't know why, I let you control me.

With patience, you've made me understand.

You aren't tired.

You deal with it.

You want me to smile,

I will give you my days full of smiles.

My dear, Adriara.

Thank you so much.

Because you didn't give up on me.

Thank you, for believing in me.

I love you.

Man In Denial.

Hey.

Don't make me laugh.

I do understand what you're trying to say.

That you can live without me.

Your mistake?

Thinkin' you're in a perfect condition.

You won the game.

Hey, you're not.

Accept the truth.

You can't forget me.

You've been pushing yourself too much.

You've been forcing your heart too much.

One day,

When you fall down to a hole,

And no one can help you,

I won't be there.

Why?

Because you weren't there when I fell.

Because people who can't handle me at my worst,

Don't deserve me at my best.

A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes.

I know a song called "A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes",

Sung by Cinderella, one of my favorite Disney characters.

Is that true?

If I dreamed about something, it's a wish my heart made?

I didn't wish for you.

I didn't wish a thing.

But I had a long conversation with my friend before I went to sleep.

And yes, I was talking about us.

I won't say I miss you.

Because maybe, you're already know.

I miss the moment when you kissed my forehead.

I miss us.

But life goes on.

I have to move forward.

With or without you.

I have to be ready.

We deserve chances.

But maybe not today, not tomorrow.

Or maybe a couple years ahead.

Or maybe no.

Just don't give up on me.

Learn to live with differences.

With or without me.

Learn for your happiness.

Dear You, I Can't Resist You.

Under the star, above the sea.

Under the same sun, but different place.

Same feelings, an old story.

Two hearts belong to another.

I didn't prepare for this.

I didn't predict this.

I am not ready.

To face the truth that we belong to someone else.

I wish that there will be years where I can hold you forever.

Where I can share my dreams with you.

Where we will grow old together.

But we are late.

You found me and I found you.

You lost me and I lost you.

I was hoping that you'll dry my tears that day.

But you were'nt there, no, you can't.

And now I'm rewinding everything.

I can't resist you.

I can't let go, no, I won't let go.

We can't let go.

Perhaps our heart aren't made for each other.

Sometimes, you have to love people from a distance.

So I give us the space to make sure,

Are we happy?

Tell me, are you happy?

You get exactly what you wanted.

Except all the things that were wrong are still wrong.

Then what? Tell me.

There are certain things in life where we know it is a mistake.

But, we won't admit.

Because we are the reason why we got here.

Because we are a memories, precious memories, we can't let go.

Now, appreciate what still remains.

And look forward to what's coming next.

People who are meant to be together will always find their way back to each other.

So, let there be hope.

Under the same sky, different clouds.

Same old story, different feelings.

Don't turn away, dry your eyes.

You'll live in me forever.

You're My Laser Light.

Noah,

Maybe I am the happiest woman in the world right now.

Why? Because I've made my own happiness.

I've been mixing these colors, red with yellow, green with blue, purple with white. I painted my own horizon. I didn't find my love in a hopeless place, now I'm standing in the light until it's over. I ran in field, played hide and seek with those grasshoppers, counted stars and ate green apples.

Life, is so much fun without a heavy burden.

I'm trying to look at something without blinking, to see what it is like, or it could have been like, and how that had something to do with the way we live now.

And yeah, you know that.

There is really nothing more to say except why. But since why is difficult to handle, one must take refuge in how. I want to fly free, so I gave up the shit that weighs me down.

I love the brand new me.

I am the music in me.

I am bulletproof, nothing to lose.

 There must be satisfaction at the end.

So,

I'll keep on running with joy for the sake of my own happiness.

Thank you,

I love you!

Severe.

My dear Adriara,

I know it hurts to know the truth.

I know you want me to forget.

You know that I still there trap in memories.

You can help me to forget.

You can change my mind.

I will do it for you.

For us.

But remember, Adriara.

You have 100 reasons to leave.

Can you take it?

Can you hold the pain I've been giving you, for me?

If you want to leave,

Then leave.

But tell me.

So I know and I can find someone else.

I need no perfection.

I need nothing.

But all I need is a little time.

A little more time so we can spend our days together.

My dear Adriara,

I am sorry.

Cool my head down,

So I can reach you someday.

Adriara,

Don't give up on me.

Nothing To Fear.

For you,

I let go someone who had been so good to me.

For you,

People label me as a woman who can't be moved.

Go away.

How can I do my life over if you're still here in my head?

How can I forget if you're still in love with me?

Please, go away.

Don't ever look back.

Keep your head up, cry, and move forward.

Let go.

Let me go.

Fill your head with anger.

Let your heart burns with your emotion.

You're just a ghost.

You are nobody.

Sajesha, what are you afraid of?

Rise, Sajesha.

Rise.

Nothing out there.

Thank you, for being one of those colors in my life.

Now, let me paint my dreams with another color.

Another bright colors,

For a bright new day.

A Headstrong, Obstinate Woman.

"Aira, kenapa dia?"

"Karena dia tidak ada disaat nenekku meninggal. Karena dia tidak ada disaat aku meneteskan air mata. Dia tidak ada disaat aku dibawah nol, dia tidak selalu bisa berada di sampingku disaat aku sangat membutuhkannya."

"Jadi? Tunggu apa lagi? Lupakan dia."

"Tidak bisa. Karena hal itu, dia membuatku kuat dan menjadikan aku perempuan mandiri yang tidak tergantung dengan pasangannya. Disaat aku jatuh, aku tahu, dia kecewa dengan keadaannya, karena cita-citanya yang menghalangi keinginannya untuk menemaniku di saat aku jatuh. Dia sakit, dia merasa bersalah atas itu. Dia berusaha kuat di hadapanku, padahal hatinya menjerit."

"Aira............. Kamu layak mendapatkan seseorang yang lebih baik dan lebih bisa diandalkan dari dia."

"Kupikir, dia sudah cukup walaupun kami berbeda."

"Aira, dia sudah tidak mencintai kamu. Mungkin dia sudah mencintai orang lain."

"Aku tahu itu."

"Aira, sadarlah."

"Devi, aku mencintai dia karena dia telah menjadikan aku wanita yang kuat, ada atau tanpa dia. Dia bisa membuatku bahagia walaupun hubungan kami terbatas jarak."

"Aira, dia seorang penerbang. Apa lagi yang kamu tunggu?"

"Hari, dan waktu. Hari dimana kami bersumpah sebagai suami istri, dan waktu dimana kami menyelesaikan hidup kami, saling memiliki dan mencintai, hingga kami dipisahkan oleh maut."

Too Late To Notice.

"Alyssa, I am sorry. I am terribly sorry. I want to hold you in my arms forever. Dont go away, please, stay with me. I lied, I'm sorry. I've been hiding it, but you know my weakness, you know me so well. Please, dont leave me."

"That easy?"

"No, it's not! Let me fix it, let me fix us, let me fix everything! Just dont go! Give me time, I want you. Please dont leave."

"I dont trust you"

"It was my mistake, I'm sorry! Just dont let go"

"Enough, Levi."

"Alyssa, I love you so much. How lucky I am to have someone that makes saying 'goodbye' so hard..."

"You are not lucky, because I got to keep moving on"

Tangled.

For a moment,

I really want to sing.

A song that represents my new life.

A song that hurts me so much.

Dont ask me to go back to the beginning.

It wont solve anything.

I wont go back.

I dont want to see your colors anymore.

Remember the way we used to be?

Remember the day I ran after you?

Remember the pain you put me through?

Remember the day you chose me to live with you?

And do you remember,

The night I showed up breathless at your bedroom door?

Just to ask how am I hurt?

Just to show you my tears?

You will remember.

Even your brain keeps telling your heart "dont".

You will see that someday,

You will do things you dont want to do.

So dont ask me to come back.

Don't talk to me.

Don't you remember?

You let me go, you asked me to leave.

And I did that for you.

I'll Be Your Sound.

Hello, you, yes, you.

Do you know why I ask too much?

Why I care too much?

Because your eyes make me ask.

I don't want to live up there in the sky.

I hurt by the sun.

Clouds won't let me.

So I back on the land where I used to be.

A couple songs and a guitar.

Those things are helping me back to my home.

Behind that purple valley,

Where I can talk to the wind how cruel the sky could be.

Now, wake me up.

Open my eyes.

Let me see the ocean once again.

Let me hear those wolves cry once again.

Help me do my life over.

Help me reconstruct the path I have walked for years.

Turn me on, hide my wings.

Hold me, so I can feel you.

Talk to me like you already have me for a long time.

Believe in me and I will believe in you.

Because when the world gone silent,

I will be your sound.

Learning Slowly.

The times has come.

Waktu dimana kita terpisah jauh.

Ga ada lagi suara,

Ga ada lagi air mata.

Lo harus belajar.

Begitu juga gue.

Mensyukuri apa yang kita punya.

Dan melupakan apa yang kita pernah buat.

I won't cry for you.

Dan gue sama sekali nggak nangis.

Why?

Karena gue lebih mencintai Tuhan gue dan diri gue sendiri.

We ended for a reason.

Dan gue percaya apa yang lo bilang terakhir itu yang terbaik buat gue.

Dan gue nurut sama lo.

I will find someone, who's better than you.

Please, learn.

Learn for a better future.

Belajar, supaya orang setelah gue nggak akan merasakan apa yang gue rasakan atas sikap lo.

Learn, to love someone from the heart.

This Conversation Will Be the Last Conversation For Me. And You.

"Aku pernah bilang sama kamu, kita itu satu, kita itu sama. Saat kamu ngerasa sakit, aku juga ngerasa sakit. Di saat aku ngerasa seneng, kamu juga ngerasa seneng. Sekarang, kita udah tiba di titik nol kesabaran kita. Kita sama-sama hancur. Kamu bisa bilang enggak, tapi jauh di dalam hati kamu, kamu meneriakan kata yang sama dengan kata-kata yang aku teriakan. Cuma kamu enggak bisa ngomong, dan kamu tau kalo aku yang akan mewakili teriakan kamu"

"Jangan pernah tinggalin aku lagi, Alana"

"Dion, kamu duluan yang ninggalin aku"

"Aku bener-bener nyesel, Alana. Aku kehilangan kedewasaanku. Maafin aku"

"Dion, aku bilang sekali lagi sama kamu, kita ini satu. Dan aku enggak pernah enggak maafin kamu. Kamu menarik lagi semua omongan kamu, dan kamu kembali ke pelukkan aku. Kebanggaanku kembali, kebahagiaanku kembali, kamu bisa lihat sebahagia apa aku sekarang?"

"Aku bisa lihat, hati kamu bicara jujur. Terima kasih, Alana"

"Dion"

"Iya, Alana?"

"Jangan pernah pergi lagi. Jangan biarin aku hancur lagi seperti kemarin. Dampingi aku, seperti kamu mendampingi aku kemarin-kemarin"

"Aku enggak akan membiarkan kamu jatuh sendirian lagi, Alana. Kalo kamu jatuh, akan jatuh lebih duluan daripada kamu supaya ketika kamu jatuh, udah ada aku yang akan menahan kamu membentur tanah, biar aku yang merasakan sakit. Aku tidak mau menghancurkan hati kamu lagi"

"Terima kasih, Dion. Terima kasih"

"Aku mau hidup terus sama kamu, Alana. Aku mau hidup terus di dalam diri kamu"

"Iya, Dion. Kita akan belajar dewasa bersama"

"Aku cinta sama kamu, Alana"

"Aku cinta sama kamu, Dion"

Don't Go Down A Path I Can't Follow.

"Gue ga takut mati. Buat apa takut mati? Harusnya seneng dong, kita pulang ke rumah"

Kita semua tau, lo selalu menantang maut. Dan orang seberani lo, pergi bukan menantang maut, tapi ditantang oleh maut.

Back to our good old days.
Berantem rebutan pizza, bangun tidur lo gendong gue terus nyebur sama-sama ke kolam renang, kebut-kebutan kaya alay, joget-joget di atas meja, scream-scream ga jelas, nyanyi bareng, tidur siang bareng lo jadiin gue guling terus gue dorong lo sampe jatoh dari tempat tidur, ke Bandung bareng, lo nyulik gue kemana pun lo mau, ke rumah gue buka kamar gue tiduran ga ngomong apa-apa dan numpang tidur, ke Puncak bareng dan banyak lagi.... I miss that.

Brother and sister, yes we are. Lo yang sangat protektif dan gue yang sangat bodo amat. Lo yang sangat perhatian dan gue yang cuek. Kita yang sembarangan. I miss that, I miss you so much.

"Lo perempuan, dan perempuan itu harus dijaga"
Inget ga kata-kata itu Ri? Pas kita lagi di Puncak, gue bilang mau cari rokok sendiri jalan kaki sore-sore, dan lo lagi mager-magernya abis tidur siang. Pas gue bilang mau cari rokok lo langsung berdiri, make jeans sama jaket terus bilang, "Yuk". Dan gue bilang gausah ditemenin dan itu jawaban lo.

Dan inget ga pas kita berantem? Ada yang cuma gara-gara lo ngajak gue makan bakso gue ga mau lah, gue minta temenin ke PIM lo ga mau lah, gue lagi tidur digangguin lah, lo lagi maen GTA San Andreas gue matiin tvnya, lo lagi mandi gue matiin lampunya, lo ga mau mulangin gue dari rumah lo, lo telfon gue ga gue angkat, lo mau jemput gue pulang sekolah gue gamau lah, banyak banget... Dan akhirnya? Lo yang selalu ngalah sama gue, lo ga pernah mau marah lama-lama sama gue. Even kalo kita diem-dieman, lo kadang sering bikinin gue makanan tp pake alesan Tuni yang biknin lah, gue tidur ga pake bantal lo yang kasih bantal... Lo selalu perhatian sama gue, guenya aja yang cuek sama lo. Maafin gue ya.

Dan momen-momen sedih kita yang ga bakal bisa keulang, terutama pas gue nangis. Dimana waktu itu gue lagi nangis dan lo gue ngurung diri di kamar lo, lo nyuruh gue keluar buat interaksi sama anak-anak dan gw nolak dan akhirnya nangis lagi padahal udah adem.

"Heh, heh, liat gue"
And I looked at you.
"Jangan nangis depan gue"

Mata lo berkaca-kaca, gemeter nahan nangis dan akhirnya nangis juga. Dan kita peluk-pelukan nangis bareng.

"Gue ga mau ade gue yang paling manis, yang paling gue sayang nangis depan gue. Lo orangnya rame dan gue ga mau liat lo nangis sampe segininya"
Ri, keadaan gue sekarang lebih parah dari hari itu. Maaf ya.

Abis itu Daici cerita sama gue.

"Mon, Ari tuh sayang banget sama lo. Tadi dia sempet bilang 'gue bingung gue harus gimana sama dia biar dia ga sedih lagi. Gue takut ga bisa bikin dia ketawa, itu nyiksa nyet' gitu. Tapi gue bilang, lama-lama ntar dia juga lupa"

Ari, maaf ya. Gue mungkin nyiksa lo sekarang, gue ngeberatin lo. Maaf, karena lo emang udah ga bisa bikin gue ketawa lagi. Gantian Ri, lo yang nyiksa gue sekarang. Maafin gue, Ri. Maafin gue.

Dan akhirnya kita kepisah, sama takdir. Lo menghormati banget orang yang misahin kita, tapi itu bikin gue benci sama lo karena gue akhirnya tau lo dan keluarga lo kaya apa.

Sampe akhirnya gue dapet berita kalo lo udah berpulang ke pangkuan-Nya. Dada gue sakit rasanya, hati gue sakit. Gue gatau harus ngomong apa. Sampe akhirnya gue telfon Exor dan gue bener-bener banjir air mata. Umur lo masih 23 Ri, terlalu muda untuk pergi jauh selama-lamanya.

Dan gue liat jenazah lo. Lo ganteng Ri, senyum lagi, kaya tidur biasa. Gue kan sering bilang, lo paling ganteng pas lo tidur, daripada lo melek terus pecicilan. Tapi sekarang yang gue harapin lo buka mata lo Ri, buat gue. Buat gue yang terakhir. Tapi maaf ya, gue ga sampe pemakaman, gue engga kuat Ri. Karena gue ga rela. Maafin gue.

My dear, I miss you so much. I love you so much. Kenangan-kenangan lo sama gue bakal terus hidup, gue ga akan lupa. Lo pernah bilang smaa gue, "We stick together like a chopstick and, til' a hungry fat guy does us apart". You mean death? Karena kematian udah do us apart.

Maaf, gue ga disana disaat lo sakit. Gue ga ada buat ngurus lo, karena lo yang lebih banyak ngurus gue. Maafin gue, Ri. Gue cinta sama lo.

I grew up with you.
You taught me things.
And now you left.
You went away forever.
You went down a path I cant follow.

Live for me, here, in my heart. Thankyou for everything. I love you so much, sleep well.

What A Stupid Love Song.

Dont, ever make me remember everything.

I dont want to remember.

I dont want to think about it.

I dont want to see your face.

You, me, us.

We lost it all.

I buried them deep inside my heart.

Dont try to make them come alive.

I live to love my life.

My new day has come.

The one has come.

And he asked me to join his life.

A cup of hot tea and my favorite cookie.

I close my eyes.

Try to keep on walking nowhere.

Until I find a place to let you go.

You lost me.

And I lost you.

Time will heal.

And we will forget.

Thank you.

For being such a wonderful person.

Now I have to go.

To build a new home with him.

You're the Wind In My Neverland.

Remembering the day you asked me.
Near the swimming pool, in the afternoon.
It was a sunny day.
And we were smiling.

First time I met you,
You were just a normal boy with black t-shirt and skinny jeans.
Piercings and that long black hair...
And your smile that made me fall in love with you.

I wasn't afraid to love you.
But I was afraid if I care too much.
Because you were the one I've been looking for.
You were the one who stabbed my heart.

I am going nowhere now.
I dont want to look at you.
I dont want to see your eyes.
Those loving eyes and those loving tears of you make my heart torns in two.

I dont need your hands.
You wont need mine either.
Keep holding on.
Because I wont be there.

God made you to protect me.
And God made me to make you realize.
That I am one of a kind you've wasted.
So you know how hurt it was when you did that to me.

You're no longer a soldier.
You're just a normal boy I knew from the first time we met.
You are you.
A man, who cant be moved.

And now I'm walking away from you.
I dont need to look back.
But I will ask you,
"You want to come and walk with me, or walk away from me?"

My Own Jar of Heart.

Remember the day you said something to me?

That you will marry me?

You will carry me with your life?

We will have three kids?

I know it wasn't a joke.

I was just a dream.

A dream our heart made.

And now it's just words.

I always believe in you.

I know you're a good man.

You have a good heart.

And I know you know what you're doing.

I dont blame you for this.

All of these.

You have your own decision.

So do I.

I respect you.

I loved you.

No, I will always love you.

But in a different way.

I am so proud of you.

And I am proud to had someone like you.

I am proud of what you have done to yourself and to me.

And I am proud I have lived with you for almost 2 years.

And when the next person comes to me after this.

And when he asked me the same question like you asked.

I will say yes.

Because I will find, someone like you.

I Will Learn To Live Half Alive.

"Suatu saat nanti, aku akan melupakan kamu. Aku akan keluar dari hidupmu, begitu juga kamu. Aku akan menutup hatiku untuk kamu, kamu tidak akan tinggal disana lagi. Aku akan hapus semuanya, aku akan relakan semuanya. Aku akan membakar habis semuanya, aku akan menghancurkan semua ingatan tentang kamu yang aku ingat. Aku terlalu mencintai kamu. Mencintai dan melupakanmu memakan waktu seumur hidup. Aku akan berdiri tanpa kamu, aku akan mencintai orang lain setelah kamu, aku tidak akan mencintaimu lagi. Aku akan menghapus semua jejakmu. Aku akan pergi, dari kamu. Selamanya."

"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you. The one who turns to his friends and says, That's her."

Stars In Still Waters.

Aku tidak meminta untuk mengingat.

Aku hanya menulis, dan meluapkan perasaan disini.

Kita pernah bernafas bersama.

Jantung kita pernah berdenyut bersama.

Mata melihat mata, tangan menggenggam tangan.

Senyum dan air mata, jadi satu.

Tidak ada yang berbeda dengan yang sekarang.

Hanya pedih yang membedakan.

Kita masih bernafas bersama, detak jantung kita masih berdenyut bersama.

Karena sesuatu yang tidak bisa hilang begitu saja.

Bahagiamu adalah kebahagiaanku.

Banggamu adalah kebanggaanku.

Ketika matamu melihat, mataku juga melihat.

Dan ketika kamu menoleh, kita saling menatap.

Kita pernah jadi satu.

Kita pernah ditampar oleh waktu, oleh kenyataan.

Kita menangis, kita tertawa.

Kita berusaha, hingga kita lelah.

Kelemahan kita sama, aku dan kamu.

Lihat, lebih dekat, dan rasakan.

Kita hancur.

Kita sedang berbohong.

Kita sedang memaksakan diri hingga beban yang kita paksa menjadi semakin berat.

Semakin menyakitkan.

Kenapa?

Buatlah indah.

Batinku dan batinmu berteriak kata-kata yang sama.

Kita sama, sangat sama.

Hanya keadaan yang membedakan.
Tapi bukan keadaan yang menentukan.

Keyakinanku bicara.
Bahwa suatu saat nanti, entah kapan
Aku dan kamu,
Akan jadi satu.




Selamanya.

I Miss You So Much, Grandma.

Enek tercinta,

Aku merindukanmu. Sangat merindukanmu. 20 tahun sudah aku hidup bersamamu, 20 tahun aku membanggakanmu. Enek benar-benar sosok wanita yang sangat kukagumi, wanita yang kuat mental dan fisiknya yang pernah kumiliki, wanita yang luar biasa cantik luar dan dalam. Dan sampai kau menutup mata pun, kau masih terlihat sangat cantik, ditambah dengan ketaatanmu beribadah sebagai seorang muslimah yang membuat kau cantik 10 kali lipat.

Kau begitu perhatian pada cucu-cucumu. Kau begitu memperhatikan makanan kesukaan mereka, kau begitu memperhatikan kesehatan mereka... Hal-hal seperti itulah yang membuatku rindu. Tiap aku datang ke rumahmu sekedar untuk berkunjung atau menginap, aku langsung berlari ke kamarmu, menemuimu yang sedang menonton tv diatas tempat tidur. Lalu kau sambut dengan senyuman hangatmu, dan betapa senangnya kau melihat cucu pertama perempuan datang untuk menemuimu. Kini, yang kulihat hanyalah tempat tidur yang kosong tanpamu disana, dan kadang aku yang tidur di tempat kau biasa tidur. Betapa sedihnya aku ketika aku tidur disana tanpamu dan memandang fotomu. Aku benar-benar merindukanmu, terutama senyum dan tawamu disaat kita sedang berbincang-bincang hangat di atas tempat tidurmu.

Kenangan-kenangan indah yang kau rajut bersama orang-orang di sekitarmu, akan selalu kami kenang sebagai kenangan terindah yang pernah ada. Doa kami selalu menyertaimu agar kuburanmu luas dan terang. Cinta kami tidak akan pernah mati, hingga kami menua pun kami akan selalu mengirim kan doa untukmu dan selalu mencintaimu. Terima kasih, karena hingga akhir hayatmu, kau masih tersenyum kepada kami. Dan kami pun lega, karena kau sudah tenang disana sekarang. Tidak ada lagi jarum suntik yang menyakitimu ketika kau cuci darah, tidak ada lagi beban pikiran apapun yang menyakiti perasaanmu.

Enek, terima kasih telah membuatku bahagia selama 20 tahun. Terima kasih, telah memperhatikanku selama hidupmu, terima kasih, telah mencintaiku dengan segala kekuranganku. Walaupun aku belum cukup membalas semua kebaikanmu, sebagai gantinya, di setiap solatku, kukirimkan doa untukmu.

"You will not reach the horizon alone, my dear Grandmother.
I am here, I always pray for you.
And now I miss you more than ever.
Your voice, your smile, your face, your heart beat.
I love you so much."

With love, hugs and kisses
Your grandchildren,
Anissa Anggia Maulida

Dont Turn Your Back On Me.

Let's go back. Back to the beginning.

It was 4 years ago, since the first time we met. No... Not our first time exactly. But I remember, you came to my school and picked up your ex. Me, Tina, Sartika and Sasiet were there too. So you picked us up with your Avanza and drove us to PIM. I didnt really notice you that day, and yea, I had a boyfriend that day.

Years go by, we met again on Aska's farewell party. I remember you, and your name. So I said 'hi' and you replied 'halloooooo'. At the first time, I thought that you've forgotten me. But yea, you remember.

Aska went away. And I didnt have a place to go. Sasiet lived in a semi-apartment called D'Lofts. So I went there. And I met you again, you used to visit Amel and Tabe's room with Cembon. We talked a lot, laughed so hard and went to several places together.

And we went to Bandung. Aya made us, so you and I, Sasiet, Tabe went to Bandung together. We picked Indah and Aya and went back to Jakarta and slept at D'Lofts. Oh yes, it was your birthday. We celebrated it at Puncak. It was full of surprises.

You texted me every day, every time. We used to go together, went to several places, and yea, we laughed a lot. It was fast.

And one day, when we were together in my room, you said it. You love me. I love you too, papi.

You held me so tight. You took a good care of me since then. You treated me like I am the only one. You were so protective.

And you moved to Bali to reach your dream, to be a great pilot. Distance and time tested us, but we made friends with them.

I cried, you cried, we cried.

I laughed, you laughed, we laughed.

We shared everything.

And one day, we fought. It took almost a week until you texted me. It said, "I cant do this anymore, I'm sorry".

Felt like my world falls. I begged you to change your mind, but you didnt listen. You kept your words, you drove me crazy. I didnt have a good sleep for days. I forced my mind to forget you, I cant. It's getting worst each day.

I'm glad we are back now. We're together again. Please, hold me, because I will hold you tighter than before. I will hold you until it hurts.

Because A Good Man, Is So Hard To Find.

17 ‎November ‎2011, ‏‎9:37:24

Allah SWT baru saja menegur saya. Memberikan saya suatu kejadian yang benar-benar membuat saya merasa digampar. Saya, tidak lagi menjadi calon istri dari seorang penerbang.

Allah SWT memberikan saya pelajaran yang amat membuat saya menyesal. Saya tidak menghargai orang yang sudah sangat mencintai saya, ego saya mengalahkan semuanya. Dan sekarang saya benar-benar menyesal dengan apa yang telah saya perbuat. Saya mengingkan dia kembali, tapi kelihatannya dia sudah tidak menginginkan saya. Ya, terbatas karena masalah perbedaan prinsip.

Kini saya tau, bagaimana perasaan dia saat itu, saat dimana saya meninggalkan dia karena perbedaan prinsip. Sakit, tidak rela, airmata tiak berhenti mengalir. Apa yang dia perjuangkan buat saya terlihat sia-sia. Saya mengerti. Dia sakit sekali dan saya sudah menyakiti dia. Saya menyesal, sangat menyesal.

Hal ini membuat saya trauma. Saya takut melihat semua hal yang berhubungan dengan dia. Karena saya sangat mencintai dia, dan dia orang terbaik yang pernah saya punya. Ibu saya pernah bilang, "Mencari seseorang yang perhatian memang mudah, tapi untuk mencari orang baik itu tidak mudah". Dia itu terlalu baik buat saya. Dia tau bagaimana caranya menangani saya, ketika saya marah, ketika saya sedih, dia selalu di samping saya, dan kenapa saya menganggap itu semua belum cukup? Manusia memang tidak pernah puas, dan seharusnya saya mensyukuri itu.

Saya masih ingin mendampingi dia, walopun mungkin saya sudah tidak pantas lagi untuk itu. Kenapa? Karena saya merasa sanggup untuk mengurus dia, saya merasa sanggup untuk menunggu dia, saya masih mau menemani dia, dan semua ini membuat saya sadar, saya tidak mensyukuri dia. Saya menyesal, dan saya harap semuanya belum terlambat. Pernahkah dia terlintas, alasan kenapa dia mencintai saya? Ya, itu alasan kenapa saya tetap bertahan. Saya menginginkan dia kembali.

Andaikan dia tau perasaan saya dan tau perjuangan saya disini, andaikan dia tau sehancur apa hati saya mengingat dia. Dia terlalu baik buat saya, saya ingin mendampingi dia terus hingga akhir, namun perbedaan prinsip menghancurkan segalanya, ini membunuh saya pelan-pelan. Kenapa tidak dari awal kita berpikir untuk masa depan kita? Salah kami berdua memang, tapi saya tetap percaya, suatu saat kami akan bersama.

Ya Allah, kalau memang dia benar jodoh saya, dekatkan dia dengan saya, kalau tidak, jauhkan dia. Buat saya ikhlas dengan keadaan ini, buat saya lupa. Karena yang terbaik yang pernah saya punya, dia nomor 11 saya, nomor satu dari yang nomor satu dari orang-orang yang pernah menjalin cerita dengan saya di masa lalu.

Mas, aku sayang sama kamu. Aku mau ngebenerin semuanya. Aku mau kamu kembali, jangan pergi lagi. Aku masih mau jadi yang terbaik buat kamu. Aku butuh kamu. Mas, kembali ke pelukan aku. Aku sayang sama kamu.

From Nothing To Something.

Dala is walking alone right now.
Different story, another chapter.
She left him, she erased him.
Dante is dead.

Dala stops in front of her house.
She lights on her third cigarette and walks in.
She walks upstairs, to her room.
And here she goes.

She sits on her bed and looks outside her window.
17:34 PM, the sun is going down.
She keeps asking herself a simple question,
"Why you hide her?".

Andes may not read this but,
She keeps asking, asking and asking.
She wants to read Andes,
A boy who gives her a hundred of questions to reveal.

She keeps guessing.
Does he know his own condition?
Does he know that I'm questioning him?
Does he realize that I am here and alive?

Dala knows everything.
She's good at reading and hearing.
She always listen and pay attention for what she did,
Though she didnt do anything.

She lights on her fourth cigarette.
She walks towards the window.
The sky turns dark, but she can see the stars.
She sees Andes, she sees nothing.

She wont walk away.
She needs answers.
She closes her eyes.
"Hey, we started nothing".