Friday, July 1, 2011

The Song's Remembering Me of You. The Song's Called 'Tidal'.


Dala sits in front of her laptop.
She looks confuse, no, she looks so weird, so damn weird.
It ends tonight.

Dala cries in silence.
Dala takes a deep breath over and over again.
She lights on her second cigarette.
She's still crying.

Dante, please stop me.
Stop the time.
Stop everything.
Keep on glowing, keep on smiling.
Dante, dont leave.

Dala puts her cig on an asthray near her.
She holds her body like hugging a big pillow.
Her eyes keeps on blinking.
She's hurt.

Dante was right.
Dont run from reality.
And now, reality is chasing her.
Reality wants to kill her.

I'm sorry, Dante.
I'm really sorry.
I've been trying really hard to reach you.
I've been giving every single thing to make you stay.
It's not enough, never enough.
I'm sorry.

I'm going to walk this path alone.
In search of happy days I know I'll never find.
Nobody has to know except me and God.
But I hope you will always remember the time when I'm with you.

In flight again with Tidal Wave 03.
I'm still trying.
I'll keep on trying to make you mine.
Forever.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Ireland of My Heart.


Mala duduk diatas rerumputan basah diatas bukit. Angin mengelus lembut rambutnya. Gitar kesayangannya tertidur pulas di sampingya. Mala duduk manis sambil memeluk kedua kakinya, menatap langit gelap kebiruan. Ia menanti matahari untuk bangkit dari tidur lelapnya, tersenyum menatap hantaran rerumputan basah di depannya dengan penuh kasih sayang.


Mala menutup matanya. Ia bisa mendengar angin bernyanyi dengan indahnya, menyapa rerumputan hijau di hadapannya, mengelus awan dengan anggunya. Allah SWT yang Maha Agung, Engkau memang Maha Kuasa.

Jutaan cerita hadir dalam pikirannya secara perlahan. Ia tidak ingin mengingat kenangan buruk, hanya kebahagian yang dia hadirkan. Ia tersenyum tanpa sadar, masih menutup mata. Matahari belum mau terbit, apakah ia kelelahan?

Ia bisa mendengar denyut jantungnya, jantungnya ikut bahagia. Seluruh organ tubuhnya seperti berteriak bahagia. Mala merasa lega, ia bisa membahagiakan tubuhnya dengan alam. Ya, hanya alam yang mampu membuatnya tersenyum penuh arti.

Ia melemaskan jemarinya, menyentuh rerumputan yang basah. Apakah mereka menangis? Inikah tangisan kebahagiaan? Cara mereka menyambut pagi?

Beberapa burung kecil melintas di atas kepalanya, bersiul riang menyambut sang matahari. Dan mendadak hilang dalam kabut pagi yang dingin.

Mala membuka kedua matanya. Ia menitikan air mata. Dimana lagi ia akan merasa damai seperti ini? Dimana lagi ada tempat yang mampu menentramkan jiwanya selain disini? Cara apa lagi yang mampu membuatnya bahagia kecuali bersatu dengan alam?

Mala membiarkan tubuhnya jatuh perlahan dan bersatu dengan rerumputan yang hijau dan basah. Ia dapat mencium segarnya bau rerumputan basah di pagi hari, ia membiarkan kabut pagi menjadi selimutnya untuk beberapa waktu. Ia mengelus gitar kesayangannya yang terasa beku di sebelahnya, dan tersenyum.

Semesta, kita sedang bernafas bersama, kita sedang berbahagia bersama. Jangan pernah berubah, jangan buat hatiku hancur. Aku mencintai kalian semua, hiduplah bersamaku, karena kalian adalah kekasihku yang amat kucintai.

Dante, I'm Not Coming Home.

Now playing: Cherish the Ladies - Erin Grá Ma Chrói (Ireland Of My Heart).

Dante.
I'm crying.
Feel me, feel my tears, feel my pain.
I cant see your colors, I cant hear your heartbeat.
You're not breathing with me.
I cant see you.

Those are not your footsteps, it's not your shoes.
I need your voice, I want you to scream louder than before.
Please, I cant hear you.
Please, I need you.

You remain here inside my chest, inside my head.
Dont turn your back on me.
Dont close your eyes, I want to see them.
Your light brown eyes, warm me up.
You're too bright for me, you're too far.

Dont leave me behind.
Forgetting you but not the time.
No, I wont forget.
I wont go, I'll stay, I'll keep holding on to myself.

I believe you'll comeback.
I believe you'll shine a light on me.
I believe you'll reach me someday.
I believe in you though you belong to someone else.

Let the rain pouring on us, let it be.
See me shaking with pale face.
See me falling like the snow.
Bring me back to your life.
Bring me back our memories.

Dante.
I'm still crying.
Watch me walking with no direction.
Watch me crying like I'm crazy enough to beg you to not to leave me.
Thursday, 23 June 2011, 02:55, I'm still waiting.
Make my cheeks turn red, make me smile.

Dante.
I love you.
I always do.
Come back.
I need you.

Dante,
I have so many things to say but you're so far away.

You're still glowing.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Your Smile Cant Fool My Eyes, Athena.


I am here.

I'm walking on air.
Two eagles flying above me.
Acid tears running down from the sky.

I hate reality.
I want to live in my dream.
I dont want to wake up.
I want to stay in the land of fantasy.

I walk slowly.
I am going to reach the sun.
Dont be afraid, my dearest.
I am not alone.
My body is with me wherever I go.
I'm walking with the wind.

I'm flickering and I wont blink.
Their eyes are showing me their feelings.
I dont need that.
Because I understand.

Show me the light.
I dont need lamp for tonight.
Nature will help me through the night.
It's easy to ignite.

Show me the way to live in you.
Tell me how to conquer you.
I am not coming back.
Stop my heartbeat.

I will stay awake all night long.
Though my chest is going to burst.
Though I cant see my own color.

I will keep on singing your song.
Though my heart is not beating.

You're Breathing With Me.


Nothing was real.
A dream about phenomena, about them,
My dearest, Athena.
I'm sorry.

I'm cursed.
I have to go.
I have to run.
I have to sink.
I will drown you in the water.
I will surrender.

You're the wind and I'm the bird.
You're the soul and I'm the body.
Regrets.
Atrocity.

I'm a torch.
I will walk alone.
I will run alone.
And you begin to move.
Elegant.
Cold.

Heartbeat.
Breathing.
Heal my wounds while we're tidal.
While we're twenty.
While we're here.

I love you.
And you're breathing with me.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Monday, 06 June 2011, 15:45.


Sitting in the class, nothing do.

Boring quantitative class, yea those words are yelling like a hungry lion.
Come on....................

I had a rough morning.
Had a phone call for 30 minutes.
Yea I need 30 minutes just to say goodbye.

I was happy.
It was warm.
But now it turns odd.
It crawls beneath my skin.
Please stop.

My friend named Billy, who's sitting beside me, talking to himself like he owns the world.
His face looks sleepy, yea, totally, 100%.
His eyes show me everything. "Fuck me, I'm bored. Let's do it in the backseat".
Sure go ahead, with the girl who sits beside Bryan. No, not Wynne.

And Billy asks, "Are ya tryna tha kill meh", yea what an accent.
I say no, I was trying to show him heaven but what the hell is he talking about.

And for a moment, we hear a sound. A heavy sound.
"Well, the invasion starts now", says Billy and now he's starting to talk to himself again.

I laugh in silence for a moment.
I was sad in the morning and now, I smile.
Well, back to my daily routine, Captain.

Swear To Me, That You'll Be A Better Man.


If I were a boy,

I would listen to her.
I would protect her.
I wouldnt let her cry.

If I were a boy,
I would stroke her hair before she goes to sleep.
I would kiss her cheeks and her forehead.
I would be in her dreams.

If I were a boy,
I would answer her call.
I would reply her message.
I would make her know that I'm okay here in my bedroom.

If I were a boy,
I would do the things she likes.
I would hold her tight.
I would make her the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life.

If I were a boy,
I wouldnt let the rain pouring on her.
I would lend my jacket.
I wouldnt make her feel cold.

If I were a man,
I would take care of her.
She would be one of my responsibilities.
I would marry her and make her proud.

If I were her husband,
I would give her a long kiss goodnight.
I would give her the best I could give.
I wouldnt let her feel lonely.
I would take care of her pregnancy.
I would be her man until death do us apart.
I would be the one she dies with.

If I were her father's children,
I would give them my all,
I would take a good care of them,
I would be the greatest father in the world.
I would be the happiest man in the world for having someone like them.

If I were her man,
I would show her the tears of the happiest man in the world.
I would stick with her.
I would go everywhere she would go.

If I were a boy,
I swear, I would make it all comes true.

Sunday, 05 June 2010, 02:33 AM.


Lying down on the bed like a fat house cat.
Playing Virtual DJ like there's no tomorrow.
Taking a drag from my cigarette after having a long tiring day.
Went to a several places in Bandung, had a cup of hot chocolate and fried chicken for lunch.

But still, I want to go somewhere far colder.
Where I cant feel my fingers.
Where I can see the stars glowing like a thousand diamonds.
Where I can spend my time alone singing through the night.
Where I can find the real me.

I'm a 2000 years old tree.
I'm an early morning dew.
I'm an ocean air.
I'm a mountain wind.
I'm an eagle.
I'm a sand.
I'm a seagull.
I am me.

It's so calming when I see a row of trees in the evening moving, driving by wind.
When I see the clouds above me hiding the sun from Earth.
When I see the river flowing its pure water.
When I see the ocean waving to me.
Nature is beautiful.

I love them, but why still I cant respect them?
That's the big question.

One day, I'll be lying down on a wet green grass in the mountain.
Playing guitar and crying.
Why crying?
Cry for realizing how could the almighty God made these. All of these.
Tears of happiness.

02:55 AM.
I should go to sleep.
Goodnight nature.
I love you.

Ghosts.

Friday, 03 June 2010, 14:37 PM.

I was smoking in front of my laptop and was having my evening tea at Neverland (I named my bedroom "Neverland").
It was a windy day and the sky was clear.
I watched the cloud, the sun hid behind it.
The wind blew so hard, softly approached the trees in front of my house.
Are they talking to each other?, I asked to myself.
What a view.

I played some music on.
My playlist on iTunes which I named it 'Around Us'.
I shuffled it, and suddenly, it played Boyce Avenue - Change Your Mind.

I took a drag of my cigarette deeply.
I smiled. I enjoyed the song.

The song ended.
And it played The Chemical Brothers - Hold Tight London.

Been a months I didnt listen to this song.
An emotional song, which could make me crazy for hours.
For a minute, the song rewinded everything in my head.
Suddenly, I cried.

The song represents me.
The song is me.
The lyrics got me.

I lit on my seventh cigarette.
I stopped crying.
I looked down and puffed the cigarette smoke to my laptop.

What kind of animal I have become?
What kind of life I live right now?
What kind of feeling I hurt right now?
What is that? Who are they?

They're just a ghosts in the doorway.
I can see through but I hold tight.
I dont want to be a part of them.
I dont want to fall again.
I dont want to grow up.
I want to stay.

I lit on my eighth cigarette.
I pulled the trigger.
I painted my dreams.
I cursed the reality.
I walled my anti-barrier.
I closed my eyes.

I will see you in the breeze.

A Cup of Tea and City Lights Are My Bestfriends.


It has been 24 hours.
Okay, I guess this is the end.
He went away.
Okay. Take a deep breath.

I walk to the balcony outside my bedroom.
My house has a beautiful view in town by the way.
I stand there, and in front of me, spread out a view of the city lights.
I can feel the nightlife, I can hear a bunch of cars blows their horns.
Thousand colors paint the night from the buildings.

I hold my cup of tea tightly.
It's still hot, my favorite one.
No cigarette for tonight.
He doesnt like it.

Beep beep.
One message received.
I dont want to look at it.
Expectation leads me to sadness.

Beep beep.
Two messages received.
It must be Tara. She wants to meet me this weekend.
Nevermind.

Beep beep.
Three messages received.
Okay... Let me check the first meesage.

From Dante.
He says, "I miss you".

I................. Oh shit I can say a word!

And the second one.... "Call me".
And the third one.... "Where are you? :(".
I'll call him.

"...................Hello", says Dante.
"Hi", I'm shaking.

And we're talking.
I cant stop smiling, no I cant.
15 minutes talking, and it ends.

"I miss you still", I text him.
He replied, "Me too. Now go to bed, sleep with me, hug me and kiss me til the sun comes up. And stay there beside me when I open my eyes".
"I wont go anywhere. My home is your heart", okay, I'm being honest.
"You want to be my wife?", okay, Dante makes me melt.
"Your wife-soon-to-be", I reply and smile.
":) now clean up, off to bed and dream of me. See you", says Dante.
"You too, goodnight!", and it ends.

Dante's last message makes me very very happy.
I'm wishing right now...
That you're the one I will live my life with.

Dala loves you.
Dala means it.


Friday, 03 June 2010, 23:07 PM.


I'm at Kopi Ireng, Dago Pakar, Bandung right now with my family.
Having a cup of hot chocolate here.
The view is so calming, so amazing.
The city lights look like a thousand miles of fire.
Beautiful.

I remember the day I saw you.
An eyes of an eagle and lovely smile.
A very soft look and smile from you,
A love lost refrain.

I saw you lying down in front of me.
Watching the stars like trapped in memories.
I saw you spiritful.

Okay stop.
It's 23:40.
I'm still breathing.

Friday, June 3, 2011

You're In Flight, With Tidal Wave 03.


Ladies and Gentlemen,

This is Captain Janbiraff speaking, welcome aboard.
And you're in flight, with Tidal Wave 03.


I love you.
And I am sorry. For everything.
I cant reach you.
Reality blocks me.

So, go. Go on.
Erase me, go ahead.
Hate me, loathe me like you care.

But I am different from you, from anybody else.

You're still a part of me.
I still have you here, in my eyes.
Time goes by, but memories remain.
How do I go from here?
How do I carry on?
I cant get beyond the questions.
Pain on pain on play, repeating.

Everybody says, time heals everything.
I'll let my clock ticks away the pain, the feelings of you.
No, this is not a war against myself.
This is reality.

Music plays, a lovely single from Imogen Heap called Tidal.
I cry in the middle of the song, but it wont be long.
I do it for us.

You are beautiful.
With an unusual personality and reassuring voice.
You're glowing.

I would listen to your voice every night if I could.
I will always thinking about you and wondering,
What are you doing, are you sick, are you happy?
You'll be good, you'll be okay.

I came to your life with smile, and I'll be leaving with smile.
I'll be leaving you with a gentle smile, though it hurts.

My dearest, I love you.
But I cant get through.
Dont say that I or you came in a wrong time.
It was God's plan. Believe in our God in every way.
But this is not a goodbye, anyway.
I will never say goodbye.
I'll be there if you need me.
In your happiest moment or saddest moment,
In every condition,
I'll be there, as a friend.

We'll be landing soon.
The runway is 100m ahead.
Start counting.
On land, we are nobody.
But remember, I wont pretend like I dont know you.
I met you and I fell for you.
And you're still someone for me.

My dearest, I love you.
You're still my tidal.
Take care.

Nobody Dies Virgin? Her Sister Was A Virgin. She Was 22.


"Dont you ever dare to contact me again", says Gecko.
Delilah keeps silent. She cries.
"What? Another tears for today? Bye", Gecko stands up but Delilah pulls his shirt.
"Please........ Dont go", sobs Delilah.
Gecko looks at her and crouches in front of her. "Look at me".
Delilah looks at him. Gecko sits beside her and strokes her hair.
"So this is the way you say you love me?", asks Gecko.
With terrible eyes, Delilah answers, "I love you so much, dont leave, stay with me forever".

"I'll do anything to make you stay".

She's a fool.

Gecko looks down and smirks.
"So you'll do anything for me? Anything?", he rewinds his words just to make sure.
"Yes", Delilah answers him like a hero.

"Okay.............", Gecko looks at her, like a hungry predator. "You I know I love you. So much".
Delilah keeps silent. Wondering, what'll happen next.

"You know I want you", Gecko puts his hand in the place where the legs meet together and join her body in a soft move.
"And yours".

Delilah looks like a dead bird.
He wants it. My virginity.
He wants my all. He wants me. He wants it. I want him.

"You dont wanna do it?", Gecko's face turns out like a kid. A poor kids who really wants to eat candy.

Should I let go?, asks Delilah to herself. Should I? If I do, I will never have it back.

"I love you and sex means everything. People cant live without sex, you'll learn about it, with me", Gecko smiles so wide.

Delilah cries.
This is so difficult, a very difficult choice to make.
She's torn in between Gecko and loyalty to her body. Loyalty to her future.

"If you love me, sacrifice yourself for me, to prove me that you really love me", Gecko strokes her hair. "Give me an answer".

Delilah feels like shit.
If she could turn herself off... She would turn herself off forever.
But she thinks she's a woman and she's mature enough to face a problem like this.
With eyes like traitor to herself, she says, "Yes, I'll give you mine".
Gecko smiles so wide and kisses her forehead.
"Come", Gecko asks Delilah to come with him, into the car to his house.

In my opinion, Delilah is a fool.
She said something very very wrong, a fatal one, "I'll do anything to make you stay".
Dont ever let love buys your pride.
Do you know his feeling? Does he really love you? Does he really want you?
Your virginity is not toy.

Women are expensive.
Please, take a good care of your body.
Save it for your husband.
Save the best for last.
You should proud of yourself to be a virgin before you married.

But it's your choice.
My writings wont do your life, so do I.
It's yours.
This is my opinion.
And because I do that.

But remember...
If you want to love someone, love yourself first.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Draft Beer? Tea Is Better.


Mon: I wanna bomb this town.
Noah: I'll buy you a c4.
Mon: I dont wanna live here.
Noah: I'll take you nowhere.
Mon: Nature is my partner.
Noah: I know.
Mon: Sea is my shelter.
Noah: So does the horizon.
Mon: I dont feel like living.
Noah: Get a new life then.
Mon: I cant leave my life here.
Noah: Do a new routine.
Mon: I want to have a cup of tea.
Noah: A not so hot one with 3 teaspoon of sugar, here you go.
Mon: I want to live underwater.
Noah: Baby beluga will love you more than he used too.
Mon: I want to rule the sky.
Noah: Show me your eagle eyes.
Mon: I want to smell the mountain air.
Noah: Dont forget to listen to Jonsi's.
Mon: I want to fall in love with someone.
Noah: Love yourself first.

Mon: How do you know me so well?
Noah: I live in you. Been living there for years.

Mon: So you know my secrets?
Noah: I know you more than anyone.

Mon: Answer me, things I really wanna do right now.

Noah: You wanna live in a place where you can blend with it, you want to live with nature. But you dont have the strength to do it because you have so many tasks requiring to be done. You want to live on your own, you want to do whatever you like, but reality blocks you. You would cry for hours for it, but hey, that's life, and you're still waiting the moment you'll have your chance.

Mon: I need my time alone, Noah.
Noah: What about 'them'?
Mon: I love them.
Noah: They love you. I love you. I believe that someday, you'll get what you want.
Mon: Thanks.
Noah: Dont say thanks. Say thanks to God. God gave you brain and a heart to feel.

Noah lights on his cigarette and smiles.

"Your faith has got to be greater than your fear, says Julian Casablancas. Believe in yourself you'll do this someday, somehow. But one thing, you're not going to reach the horizon alone".

Yes, you right Noah.
I am not who I am right now.
Yes, I need a cup of coffee.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

She Wants To Erase the Word Called 'Calendar' From Her Dictionary or Cross It Out With A Word Called 'Forever'.


Dala looks unusual. Her heart beats fast.

Dante will come in a minute.
Oh God! I'm shaking!, Dala keeps telling herself.

Beep beep. One message received.
It says, "Stand up", from Dante.
She stands up.
1.. 2.. 3.........
Someone pokes her back. "Hey".

Dante smiles to her, she smiles back.
They begin to talk about everything. Every single thing.
They laugh together, like no one's there.

Dante is so nice.
He loves to smile, he loves to tell her a bunch of jokes.
Dala keeps her ears on to him, she sees him fondly sometimes.

Dante lights his cig on.
Dala looks at him fondly, wondering what will happen next.
And it happens. He's coughing.
"Ehm", Dala gives him a sign.
"Mmmm.. I'm okay", Dante replies with laugh.
Dala knows it, she's just smiling.

"Hands, please?", Dante puts his cig on an ashtray and asks Dala to put her hands on his hands.
With happy face and an almost-turns-red cheeks, she puts her hands on him.
Dante starts singing, an all time favorite song called Wherever You Will Go by The Calling.
Dala doesnt look at him. She's too happy to hear him sing.
Oh come on, Dala! Dont waste your time just to look at that chair!

Dala looks at him. Dante looks at him.
Both of them smiling to each other.
Dala, once again, looks unusual.

"I love you"
Words.

Dala looks....................... Shit I cant explain.
I guess if there's a pillow nearby, she'll cover her face with it.
She'll ask me to punch her face.
She'll scream so loud.
Dala answers him with smile. A very wide smile.

They begin to talk again.

"Hey, it's almost eleven, you have to go home", says Dante.
Dala doesn't want to take a look to her watch.
She would love to break every clock in that place.
She takes a deep breath and says, "Yeah. Too bad".
"I'll take you home", says Dante.
That's sweet.

They walk together to the parking lot.
Dante turns his blue Ninja's engine on.
Dala hops to his Ninja, and they go.

Dala hugs Dante from the back.
Wondering, I dont want to end this moment.
A precious little time with him.
They need more time. An endless one.

And they arrive at Dala's house.
Dala hops to the ground and says, "Thankyou. For everything".

"How do you feel?", asks Dante.

"I feel so good. Cant say a word", Dala smiles to him, Dante smiles back.
"Go to bed, dont forget to wash your teeth and clean your face", says Dante. "I'm off. See you".
"See you, take care", says Dala and Dante's gone from her sight.

Dear Dante,
I'll be good.
I will reach you someday, somehow.
Sing me off to sleep with a lullaby.
Make me blush again.


Just one word for you.
Amazing.


Tuesday, May 24, 2011

I'll Go Wherever You Will Go.


I was sitting in front of my laptop like a puppy left in the rain and (ehem) I'm looking at your picture.
And my iTunes suddenly changes the song, yea I shuffled it.
So, now playing: Daniel Bedingfield - If You're Not the One (Acoustic).

The song has it. Know what I mean?
Perfect voice he has and a soft sound from the guitar.
And also, an emotional lyrics.

Well, I used to sing this song with my cousin.
He played guitar and I sang.

A couple years ago, in the middle of the night, he asked me to sing this song for him.
But he didnt take his guitar (which he named it Sandra),
He moved to his piano and started to press the keys.

So, here comes the main story.

I dont know why, that night, I let my emotion out. I let it all out.
My cousin looked at me and smiled.
Before it ended, he looked down, let his hair covered his face.
After it ended, he looked up, smiled, and his face looked terrible.
He cried.

"It's just sad, so sad, to hear you sing it from the heart. To whom you dedicated this song's for?"
I dont know. I just love the song.
"So please, dedicate this song to the one who you really love. Please do"
I kept silent and I hugged him.

So, I dedicated this song for you.
Yes, you.
The one who's reading this right now.
The one and the only, you.
The one that I've been waiting for.

Would you sing this song with me?
Holding on together through the days?
I cant leave you. No, I cant.

I know the song's too much for us.
But it means a lot.
I have an enormous feeling about you.

Sing me off to sleep.
Sing this song like you're really in love with someone, no matter who is she.
Keep an eyes on me.
Look at me fondly.
Cry like you really want this girl.
Glow, like you always do.



I hope you are the one I share my life with.
And I wish you could be the one I die with.
And I pray that you're the one I build my home with.


Sunday, May 22, 2011

Disarm Yourself.


This city has got me in a very good way.

Got fucked up with traffic jams, monotonous life as a submissive university student, had a not-so-boring Saturday nights, woke up in a very late morning and felt like a pile of shit, went to a same place and had a cup of tea or coffee and cigarette alone............................

I really fuckin need a new atmosphere.

I really want to go to a cold place. I really want to go the Peak and stay there for days. My family has a villa there, and it makes me begging myself like a fat house cat meow-ing for food just to go there. Oh please, give me fuckin break!

If I were there right now, all I wanna do is enjoying the atmosphere. Having a cup of tea in a windy afternoon, singing and playing guitar like no one's there, laying down on the grass until I fall asleep in a windy day, watching the night sky, counting down the stars (hell no, wont do that, it's a romantic thingy), enjoying the afternoon rain while eating Indomie..........................

OH DAMN IT! KILL ME!

I'm sick of the same routine I've been doing for all of these days. I need to move out and have my own life. Alone.

I was imagining If I were there... Sitting on a green iron chair which been placed at the front porch of the villa, turn my laptop on then open my iTunes and play Jonsi's album "Go"...... Sipping down the tea and inhaling the smoke from my Envio...... Putting on an internet modem to my laptop..... Signing in to Skype and Skyp-ing with my friend in Jakarta..... I will say, "So how's Jekardah and yourself? Still having the same traffic jam and hot weather? Oh come on".

Aaaaaaaaa~
I really need to go there.
As quickly as possible.




Sh*t happens.
I'm still here in this metropolitan kind of city.
Reality fucks me.




Sh*t.

Why It Has to Be KyuHyun Oppa? Ah Geez..... Saranghae.

Ehem.
Hello, Kyu.

How do you do?


I dreamt about you last night. You danced the night away with your hit single, Bonamana. You moved your hips like YEAH and sang, "Neon, gatabuta, gatabuta mal jom haera miina~"

I didnt laugh, you amazed me, though I didnt really see your face. But I know it was you. All I remember is, my mouth was wide open. I was like....... "Geez.... He does it very good.........." and yea I've got nothing to say.

But I wonder.... Would we be 'that' way someday? Because my wall was made from steel, a very heavy one... But I'm happy with you. I love the way you laugh. I watched your video once a night, and rewinded it over and over again just to hear your laughter. What a bad confession.

I want to meet you.
I want to laugh with you face to face. Well, according to every theory that I've learned so far, face to face communication is a lot better than any kinds of communication, so why dont we just meet up? Simple.

I have a lot of questions too. But uh..... Afraid to ask about it too. Bunch of heavy questions I guess, hope you dont mind. And that would be a very long heavy sarcastic answers from you as well. Just tell me everything.

If we were a river, which way we should take the water to? Take it to unite with the sea or end up with no direction until it dries out from our bodies?

Saturday, May 21, 2011

It Never Ends.


I want to crawl to reach you.

Friday, May 20, 2011

You Aint Sexy No More If You Eat Kentucky Fried Chicken.


I'm happy. Cause you're there beside me.

We laughed together, and I wish I could rewind it.
But I know, that time will come.

Let me see you.
Let me feel you in my arms.
Let me show you my expression when I'm with you.
Let me be, and let it kills me.

It kills, why, it shows me who I am and it'll show you who are.
But will it be forever?
Will you be here beside me tomorrow?
Yes, the problem is, me.

I cant let go. I just cant.
Why? Because words are killing me.
I want you.
But how? How could I hold you until the day I finally have you?
How could I make you mine though I cant?
Why it has to be now?
Oh my dearest God! What's happening?

I dont know what to do next.
Praying is the only thing I know now.
Hope I can see your eyes and it belongs to me.
Time will answer.

If yes, I'll smile forever.
If not, I'll give you a white flag. I will let go.

I will start on counting.
One.
Two.
Three.
Move out.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

I Love You When You Sing 'Wherever You Will Go' By The Calling.


I was trying to be bitter for days, but it doesn't help me anyway. I was trying to not to look at you, but according to the days that we've been through, (yea you know what I'm talking about) I know I am part of something far greater, not only you.

I was clinging myself with you and realized that 'Well, this is it' but it turns out to a sad life story for me. Why it has to be like this? Or maybe I'm in distress?

Maybe, it's supposed to be this way. It'll take a while to get to that point, and I'm way too insecure right now.

Take me back to that day, I'd make it all okay. But time shows everything, and I cant reach you for real.

I will erase my expectations, every single thing about it. I will erase every story which makes you feel uncomfortable. I will find my way, I wont hurt you again.

You're the truth not I.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Dear God, Hear My Prayer


Ya Allah,

Aku bersujud pada-Mu sebagai hamba-Mu yang tidak taat
Yang tidak mau menjauhi semua larangan-Mu
Yang menyalah gunakan kebaikan-Mu
Yang selalu melupakan kemuliaan-Mu

Ya Allah,
Sesungguhnya aku mencintai agamaku
Aku mau mati demi agamaku
Aku tidak mau berpaling dari-Mu
Hanya Engkaulah satu-satunya Tuhanku, yang Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang

Ya Allah,
Aku sangat mencintai-Mu
Tapi kenapa aku tidak menghormati-Mu?
Aku tidak menjauhi semua larangan-Mu?
Aku ciptaan-Mu yang menyedihkan
Dan sesungguhnya, aku sendiri yang membuat diriku menyedihkan

Ya Allah,
Tuntunlah aku agar aku senantiasa berada di jalan-Mu
Beri aku petunjuk agar aku bisa menjadi hamba-Mu yang taat
Agar menjadi wanita yang solehah
Untuk terus mencintai-Mu dan menghormati-Mu seumur hidupku

Ya Allah,
Tunjukan jalan-Mu

And It Comes Out As A Winner.


Blythe keeps her chin up. Rango will stay in her heart for a very long time.


Blythe: Please stay.
Rango: You belong to someone else.
Blythe: My ego wins.
Rango: You lose.
Blythe: Oh come on.
Rango: It's your path.
Blythe: I hate this situation.
Rango: So do I.
Blythe: We're tidal.
Rango: ..goodbye.

Blythe keeps her eyes shut. She's not going to cry, but she's ready for her new day without Rango.... No, she's not. She's hurt, period.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Re-Hurt.

Jauh.
Cukup jauh.
Distance means a lot.
Menangis hingga dadaku sakit.
Keep on crying until there's no sadness left.
Please tell me that I'm not the only one who feels this way.
Terlalu sakit.
Dia datang dan pergi.
Datang dengan senyum dan pergi dengan senyum.
Datang dengan tawa dan pergi dengan air mata.
Matanya memenangkan pertandingan.
Mataku mengaku kalah.
I cant stand the sound of piano and violin from my iPod.
I cant stand it, I cant stand everything.
For a while.
I love you,
but distance makes it hard.

Monday, March 7, 2011

We Are the Perfect Couple, We Are Just Not In the Perfect Situation.


Nama saya Anissa.
Usia saya 19 tahun, September ini saya akan berusia 20 tahun.
Saya adalah calon istri dari seorang penerbang.
Dan berikut perasaan sa
ya selama ini.

Saya bahagia, melihat calon suami bisa bersekolah di salah satu sekolah swasta khusus untuk penerbang di Bali. Tapi yang saya sedihkan, sekolahnya berada di suatu tempat yang jauh dari keramaian, bukan di Denpasar, namun di sebuah desa diujung pulau Bali. Dimana sinyal kadang bagus kadang tidak dan tidak ada tempat rekreasi yang begitu menarik untuk didatangi kecuali Pulau Menjangan.

Kegiatan calon suami saya dari pagi hingga sore adalah belajar seputar kegiatan penerbangan, dimulai pukul 7 pagi hingga pukul 4 sore dari hari Senin hingga hari Sabtu. Fasilitas yang diberikan terbilang cukup mewah, ada kolam renan, asrama yang nyaman, lapangan basket dan bola, indoor maupun outdoor, cafetaria dan lain-lain. Bisa dibilang hidup disana cukup menyenangkan bagi dia, tapi tidak bagi saya.

Saya tidak berada di Bali, namun di Jakarta. Kami sudah sekitar 10 bulan pacaran, 3 bulan diantaranya kami menjalani hubungan jarak jauh. Tapi kami belum bisa menyesuaikan perbedaan waktu dimana waktu di Bali satu jam lebih cepat dari Jakarta. Dan kadang susah untuk mengetahui keadaan masing-masing karena sinyal disana bisa dibilang tidak stabil.

Kamis, 3 Maret 2011, calon suami saya pulang ke Jakarta. Walaupun cuma 4 hari di Jakarta, ia bersedia pulang untuk saya dan karena ia kangen dengan keadaan Jakarta. Ia juga kangen dengan keluarga dan teman-teman pastinya.

4 hari di Jakarta, bagi saya, tentu tidak cukup untuk melepas kangen. Dan entah kenapa kami juga banyak bertengkar, dikarenakan kami sama-sama ingin diprioritaskan. Saya tidak bisa mengatur ego saya, dan saya pikir wajar bagi saya jika saya ingin diprioritaskan, karena saya adalah bagian dari hidup dia, salah satu orang yang dia sayangi dan saya benar-benar merindukan dia.

Dalam 4 hari tersebut, saya juga sempat berkunjung ke rumah saudara ibunya di Cibubur. Dan betapa bahagianya saya, hubungan kami direstui oleh mereka, walaupun kami beda agama. Jujur, perbedaan agama dalam hubungan kami memang sangat menyedihkan, tapi hal ini membuat kami semakin dekat dan kami siap dengan resiko yang sudah kami ambil. Alhamdullilah, selama ini hubungan kami tidak ada halangan apapun dan berjalan dengan baik.

Dan akhirnya tiba hari Minggu tanggal 6 Maret 2011, hari dimana calon suami saya akan kembali ke Bali. Saya bangun jam 3 pagi dan baru tidur sekitar 2 jam. Saya bergegas ke rumahnya di daerah Ciledug, dan mendapati calon suami saya masih tidur karena baru pulang setengah jam sebelum saya datang. Saya bangunkan dia, dan dia segera mandi dan merapikan barang-barangnya yang akan dia bawa pergi ke Bali.

Saya terharu melihat calon suami saya mengenakan seragamnya. Dia sudah sangat pantas mengenakan seragamnya itu, dan benar-benar terlihat gagah. Saya bangga dengan penampilannya, namun mendadak saya sedihnya bukan main, dalam beberapa jam ke depan, dia sudah meninggalkan saya ke Bali. Ya, mental saya cukup hancur pagi itu.

Kami tiba di bandara. Kami berangkat dengan ibunya calon suami saya, ya, calon ibu mertua saya. Kami bertiga sempat ngobrol mengenai keberangkatan, ditemani dengan sarapan pagi kami di bandara. Waktu sudah menunjukan calon suami saya untuk segera berangkat, ia pun berpamitan pada kami. Ia memeluk saya, mencium kening saya dan menghilang dari pandangan saya. Jujur, saya mungkin terlihat serba salah saat itu.

Dan akhirnya saya pulang. Beberapa teman saya menguatkan saya via telpon, sms dan internet. Saya tahan, karena saya masih dalam perjalanan. Dan saya tiba di rumah. Entah kenapa hati saya rasanya berantakan, dan saya berlari ke kamar, duduk di tempat tidur dan menangis.

Hati saya benar-benar hancur. Saya duduk dan mencengkram baju saya. Saya merasa tidak sanggup dan tidak tahan, saya benar-benar rapuh. Kenapa saya harus dipisahkan oleh jarak dan waktu? Ini tidak adil. Rasanya baru 3 hari kemarin sama merasa bahagia dan dekat dengan dia, kenapa sekarang saya sudah tidak bisa merasakan kehadirannya lagi? Saya merasa berlebihan, kenapa saya begitu sedih? Dalam beberapa jam, saya kehilangan kedewasaan saya.

Ada bagian yang saya tidak suka dari hal ini. Komentar orang-orang mengenai jarak diantara kami berdua. Saya tidak suka dengan komentar orang yang mengatakan "Kalian masih satu negara, deket kok itu, masih di Bali ini". Mereka tidak merasakan apa yang saya rasakan, kebanyakan dari mereka mungkin tidak pernah merasakan hubungan jarak jauh. Mungkin mereka hanya merasakan ditinggal sebentar oleh pacar mereka keluar kota atau keluar negeri untuk beberapa hari hari atau minggu, sedangkan saya akan ditinggal selama setahun dan saya, setelah menikah nanti, akan banyak ditinggal oleh suami, karena suami saya adalah seorang pilot. Mereka boleh banyak bicara, tapi jangan yakinkan saya dengan jarak Jakarta-Bali yang mereka bilang dekat. Mereka tidak tahu kondisi kami dan cara komunikasi kami. Tapi saya belajar dari itu semua dan saya jadikan itu sebagai salah satu penyemangat saya. Saya harus bersyukur hanya ditinggal keluar kota dan masih satu negara, banyak orang lain yang ditinggal keluar negeri lebih dari setahun.

Dan akhirnya calon suami saya menelepon. Sekitar 30 menit kami bicara dan selama 30 menit itu saya tidak berhenti menangis. Saya utarakan semuanya, saya capek, saya masih kangen, saya tidak bisa ditinggal dan lain-lain. Dan dengan sabarnya calon suami saya menguatkan saya dan meminta saya untuk berhenti menangis. Saya tidak mau dia berat karena tangisan saya, tapi mau bagaimana lagi? Saya tidak bisa menahan ini sendirian.

Dari kisah saya diatas, saya membuat kesimpulan. Betapa beruntungnya saya mendapat seorang calon suami yang begitu baik dan sabar. Yang mampu menguatkan saya disaat ia juga sesedih saya, yang mau berusaha demi masa depan saya dan dirinya, yang berani mengambil resiko demi masa depannya, tipe pria yang jarang saya temui dalam hidup saya. Dan saya juga mengambil kesimpulan, seorang calon istri penerbang harus memiliki mental yang kuat, harus memiliki kesabaran yang luar biasa kuat. Dan seharusnya saya bangga dengan semua hal itu.

Nama saya Anissa, usia saya 19 tahun dan saya calon istri dari seorang penerbang.
Saya akan menjadi lebih kuat dari sebelumn
ya, karena saya adalah seorang wanita, bukan lagi seorang perempuan. Saya akan terus mensupport pekerjaan calon suami saya, karena itu adalah cita-citanya sejak kecil. Saya akan menaklukan rasa takut saya, saya akan menaklukan kelemahan saya. Saya harus berbahagia, dan tidak boleh memberatkan calon suami saya.


Nama saya Anissa, 19 tahun dan calon istri dari seorang penerbang. Saya siap untuk menjadi wanita dan istri seorang penerbang.

Distance never separates two hearts that really care, for our memories span the miles and in seconds we are there. But whenever I start feeling sad, because I miss you, I remind myself how lucky I am to have someone so special to miss. I love you.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Anakin, Solve My Problem.


Ini tidak mudah.
Sama sekali tidak mudah.

Mudah untukmu menjalani semuanya,
Namun tidak mudah untukku untuk bahagia.

Hanya waktu.
Ratusan jam dan ribuan menit,
Yang akan menentukan kesabaran seorang manusia.

Lihat aku. Lihat kedua mataku.
Apa yang kau lihat?
Kusimpan seluruh perasaanku pada kedua mataku hingga waktu itu tiba,
Yang kelak akan menjelma menjadi sebuah benda cair yang dikeluarkan oleh mata secara perlahan.
Berat, perih,
Dan hanya aku yang akan menutup mata.

Jangan butakan kedua matamu,
Jangan tutup mereka.
Mereka ingin melihatku bergerak melawan sakit, bertahan dengan prinsip yang kutinggikan.
Mereka ingin mencintaiku,
Kumohon.

Ini adalah alasan,
Mengapa aku benci...
Hal-hal yang terpaut jarak dan waktu.

Monday, January 3, 2011

We Are the Boss of Ourselves.

Jake, life is all about decision.
Your life is yours, not theirs, nor his or hers. You choose, it belongs to you, for you as well. Whether it hurts or not, it's yours. You decide. You belong to God, you belong to the world, you belong to yourself, so do whatever you want. You know the risk. Do something bad and good for a living, for your experience. You walk with your legs and you think with your brain, not theirs. Make it easy, make it simple. At least you do everything for yourself, but it would be as well to do it for everyone's around you.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Just Take A Look Through My Eyes.


Gue, mungkin bisa dibilang orang yang sangat amat biasa-biasa aja dengan keadaan sekitar, terutama sama orang-orang di sekitar gue. Mau itu orang rusak kek, murahan kek, baik banget kek, cantik banget kek, jelek banget kek, kirin! (kirin itu singkatan dari 'emg gue pikirin' haha penting).

Now, let me tell you something.

1. Mau temen gue murahan kek, apa kek, gue ga peduli. Kenapa? Itu kan urusan dia sama Tuhan dan diri dia, kok gue ikut campur? Badan badan dia, hak dia juga lah. Mungkin gue bisa dibilang jahat karena ga ngelarang dia, tapi ya, gw dasarnya begitu sih, agak cuek dan kirin sama orang-orang sekitar gue. Orang juga mau ngecap gue sejelek apa kek, yaudah sih, cap aja gue begini dan begitu, tapi kalo kenyataannya gue ga sejelek itu, kan malu juga nanti. Ya intinya, mau temen gue murahan kek, asal dia ga ngerepotin, ngerugiin dan fine2 aja sama gue, ya why not buat dijadiin temen?

2. Gue orangnya terlalu percaya sama orang, siapapun itu. Mau baru kenal kek apa udah lama kek, gue percaya banget2an dan kalo mereka bikin masalah sama gue, pasti gue maafin, ya... Walopun gue dendaman dan pengen bales, tapi seiring waktu perasaan dendam itu lama2 ilang juga kok, dan gue juga belajar dewasa lah dari situ. Ga ada salahnya untuk maafin orang yang udah punya salah sama kita, daripada kesel mulu sama orang itu bawaannya, mending biasa2 aja, ga bikin capek hati juga kan?

3. Gue terlalu sayang sama temen2 gue, siapapun itu. Dan... Sayangnya, gue lebih sayang sama temen2 gw daripada sama badan gue sendiri ;)

4. Gue ngeliat temen gue yang pacaran, nyelingkuhin orang lain, gue biasa aja sih sejujurnya... Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa karena menurut gue, selama ijab kabul belom dilakuin, orang bebas ngelakuin apa yang mereka mau, termasuk dalam hal pacaran. Orang pacaran kan, ga terikat hubungan apa2 sebenernya, belom sah juga, jadi mereka bebas ngelakuin apa aja dong, cuma etika dan harga menghargai aja yang bikin itu agak terhambat. Tergantung orangnya sih mau gimana, kalo orangnya selow (kasarnya kurang ajar) ya... Harga menghargai dan etika bukan hambatan. Tapi yah... Kalo buat gue, jangan sampe deh laki gue begitu HAHA tapi itu hak dia juga sih.

5. Gue ngeliat temen gue, cewe, yang ngerokok, ITU HAL YANG SANGAT AMAT BIASAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~ gimana ya, di lingkungan gue, rata2 semua cewek ngerokok sih... Dan saya harap jangan ngejudge yang aneh2 tentang perempuan merokok.. Hak mereka, dan resikonya udah mereka tanggung sendiri kok. Kita sih belom ada kesadaran emang untuk ke depannya... Tapi ya gimana? Dilarang percuma, ini saya akui. Gue bukannya ngebela mereka karena gue juga perokok aktif, tapi yaudah sih, itu kan urusan mereka, ngefek buruk ke elo emang? Kalo iya, jangan deket2 sama mereka ato ga sadarin mereka untuk ga ngerokok di area ini, bukan musuhin mereka dan nyuruh mereka berhenti. Pengalaman gue mengatakan, temen gue dulu ada yang ngata2in cewek yang ngerokok eh sekarang ngerokok juga... la la la~

6. Cewek ngebir? Syudah biyasyaa jugaaa~ rokok dan bir gue anggep biasa banget di mata gue. Mungkin karena pengalaman pribadi... HAHAH tapi kalo ada cewek ngebir, cuma bir bintang sebotol aja terus mabok, itu (maaf) gue ketawain. Hey, ini bir bintang bukan anggyur meyaah~ dan juga.. Katanya kan, minuman yang memabukan itu haram hukumnya, berarti selama kita ga mabok minum bir, ga apa dong? (ajaran kakek gue) ya terserah kalian saja mau anggep itu halal apa haram :D

7. Gue agak... Tidak menyukai orang yang suka ngomongin orang lain kecuali buat bercanda ya HAHA kalo ngomonginnya kaya sirik gitu... Go to hell aja deh, mending dijadiin bercandaan ga sih (walopun jahat) daripada nyirikin di belakang?

8. Semua orang di dunia ini ga ada yang ga munafik. Gue paling sebel sama orang yang cerita ke gue setengah2, takut disalahin lah, takut harga dirinya turun lah, takut dianggep orang jahat lah.. Hey, lo cerita sama gue ga usah ada yang ditutup2in, gue disini bantu lo dan lo udah minta tolong gue buat denger cerita lo kan, nah, terus, apa yang harus ditutupin? Ga ada kan! Blak2an aja, gue ga akan menganggap apa yang lo udah ceritain ke gue itu hal negatif, toh udah kejadian juga dan waktu ga bisa diulang juga kan? Yaudah sih. Dan kenapa sih orang lebih takut cerita sama gue dibanding cerita sama Tuhan? Tuhan Maha Tahu loh, lo ga bilang juga Tuhan tau, kenapa begitu ya? Ckckck...

Masih banyak yang lain2 dan saya ga usah tulis disini... Intinya, I dont give a damn if one of my friends is a bitch. Itu hak mereka kan, saya sudah tulis tadi :D masa kita yang lebih sayang sama badan dia daripada dia sayang sama badannya? Mending kita sayang sama badan kita dulu kan... Nanti juga doi ditegur sama Tuhan... Inti yang lain, saya memandang apapun begitu biasa saja karena apa? Mungkin karena dari dulu gue udah main sama orang yang jauh lebih tua dari gue dan udah diajarin biar ngerti. Yah... Mencoba lebih terbuka aja jadi orang :D

Selamat berfikir :D

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Noah? Still Using the Same Skinny Jeans For Years? That's Freakin' Cool.


Noah came to visit. He gave me a very wide smile. He looked the same, big black hair, skinny and all black. Still I cant see his eyes.

Noah asked me about my feelings right now. Unintelligible.

He took out something from his pocket, cigarette. He burned it and emitted a wreath of smoke. He sit near me as I laid down on the bed. He bit his lip, and said, "You'll never gonna make it".

I looked at him, he didnt look back. "You're letting your suggestion controls you. Dont let 'em. You'll die in vain because of it".

"Noah, unexpected feelings come everytime", I tried to give an objection, and he said, "I know, but, do you still call it an unexpected feelings? You already know that this will come. Think about your body, Mon. She's getting weak everytime it starts".

Noah was right. "But Noah, I've been trying to fix myself and it works.... Well, atleast for a while". "That words can turn out to forever, Mon. Careful".

Maybe, all of you dont understand what he had said. Let me tell ya, unexpected feelings come just because our suggestion is stronger than you know. It makes you weak, eventhough you're a strong person with a strong feelings.

Noah, what should I do?

"Cry. It's human nature. Eventhough crying wont resolve your problems..... Atleast it makes you feel a lot better. For this condition, I suggest you to cry first, think hard later", good answer. "By crying, you letting it all out. You'll feel better. You can think normally again. It makes you 'clean', got it? Relax, he loves you so much".

I dont have anything to say. That's the answer. Noah really understands me.

"Just pretend to be okay or you'll make him feel heavy".

Our conversation ended. I told him that I am so sleepy, I couldnt hold it anymore. Noah smiled and he said "Goodnight, be ready". And he went away without saying anything. Thanks.